Bipolar is hereditary. My mother is bipolar and so is my daughter. Depression meds won't work on bipolar. She needs to get help but will more than likely not let you help her. My mother has been put in jail because she refuses to help herself. On and off meds for 50 years. Always denying that there is anything wrong with herself. It is always someone elses fault.
Yes, I see your point. I do not want to come accross as trying to "fix" her. That is not my responsibility. I will make no more talk of it.
You know, I am danmed if I do and danmed if I don't. If I am taciturn on our relationship then she berates me for not caring. If I discuss it she comes back to remind me she is leaving.
Yesterday, all day, I was calm, cool and collected. Today, I am lost and a wreck. It doen't help that I have the flu.
Well, my situation didn't include my H as he had moved out of the house almost a year before my ordeal started. He was heavily invested in another R and I had gone dark on him. Legally we were in a horrible battle, he had nearly wiped our bank account clean due to his spending on OW, moved twice without telling me, took our only car without any legal agreement in place and a variety of other things that are in the past that I try and separate myself from.
I also have a disease called Systemic Lupus so my health wasn't that great at the time under "normal" circumstances.
My H became so cruel to me, emotionally abusive as I have realized, that it would have only made things worse. When I was hospitalized he did come against my wishes and it sent me in such a tailspin my BIL and the ER physician eventually had to tell him to leave.
I really wasn't trying to imply that *you* should do something to help her. I was simply trying to paint a picture of what it feels like to be so depressed and filled with anxiety/panic you don't know which way is up.
Obviously the R between a grown child (me and my mom for example) and a parent is far different than the R between spouses.
If your W chooses to get help for her depression issues all I can really suggest is you support her as a PERSON and not so much as your W. It is a terrifying journey to take (getting help I mean).
I was terrified of medication for my anxiety. My psych took a very hard but kind stance with me... he basically told me he had a 6 month waiting list to be seen, he opened up the office for me at night and it would be his honor to be part of my recovery but I had to follow his four part plan or else don't waste his time. At that point I was so relieved *somebody* had a plan I would have stood on my head and sang the ABC's if that is what he told me to do.
This was a year ago and I am still on that four prong plan. I am very proud to say the regime of meds I was on has been decreased by 80% and the goal is to be off them totally within the next few months. But being weaned off meds is a process that must be followed as per the medical professional you are working with.
You cannot make your W do anything. I know you know that. If she does choose to address her depression issues all I can really suggest is you be there for her as a PERSON and not worry about the wife/R aspect. I know when I was in that state I could not even decide if I wanted to eat an apple or an orange let alone make any sort of sound decision about important matters.
I can openly admit I was terribly self destructive and foolish to not reach out for help. Looking back I cannot believe I allowed myself to suffer that way for so long. Yes, my H's actions post bomb put tremendous stress on me however I must take accountability for ME and not getting the help I know I needed.
I really am not trying to say you should do "this" or "that". I can't imagine how frustrating and upsetting it must be to know your W might need some help and she refuses and simply wants to run and lash out.
I can't say I think my wife is BP. I don't know and I can't do anything about it. I can say that I think there is a disposition toward disorder/disfunction due to heredity and also coping with a BP mother as a small child. Her experiences have had a long and lasting impact on her self-esteem, self-worth, and behavior in relationships.
Her experiences have had a long and lasting impact on her self-esteem, self-worth, and behavior in relationships.
I am sure this is true. BP influenced me growing up. It has helped my daughter to get the proper help and stay medicated, But it just as easily could have gone the other way. The above(low self-esteem, self-worth)is the ingredients for a MLC.
Yes, I think I am looking at a bit of MLC also. We have stopped having kids, the OB says she is starting into the peri-menopause phase of life, she is searching for an identity beyond that of mother and wife(which I have enthusistically supported from day one). There is just a lot going on with her and it is producing much suffering and unhappiness in her.
You know, I used to blame it on myself. I(or she) would say(nievely, arrogantly, or foolishly), if I only did this or if I only did that, then she would be happy. It just don't work that way. This has been a tough leason for me.
"The poor thing looked like she is suffering so much" shes a hurting woman... i feel so bad for her...
crap. she was having the time of her life. she wasnt suffering, she wasnt hurting and she didnt feel bad. Santa's coming so I am not going to tell you the harsh reality of how she was feeling. But you really need to stop making excuses and taking blame.
At bed time, I asked her, "You seem a bit standoffish. Do you want to talk?" Immediate hostility.
Wonderful, I would have just kept my mouth shut. You were commenting on her behavior which you can't control. That just pissed her off. Just stick to improving yourself. If her depression gets really out of hand, you will need to intervene. Keep plugging away bud.
Me:49 W: 41 Kids=D14/D14/S10 Married: 15 Together: 16 Bomb: 08/26/09 Currently: separated but in the different houses.
