NC - W vanished ...

[P17]

She cant undo what has be done. You have to ask yourself if cheating is a dealbreaker. I thought for sure there was no way I would stay with someone who cheated. But when it really happens to you all the rules change. How it impacts your finances, your child's life etc. all change the equation that once was just so simple. If cheating was a absolute dealbreaker for you then you wouldnt be posting on a message board aimed towards saving your marriage, would you?

Cheating is not a dealbreaker for me at all. As you said I wouldn't be here posting otherwise. The dealbreaker is her erasure of the last 7 years of her life, me and D. That is the big dealbreaker but I am also coming to terms with why she has done this so maybe it won't be a dealbreaker after all.

The one you trusted most in your life screwed you over. I think the thought of revenge is only natural. It is still very early in your situation but right now you have centered this whole experience about her. "I want her to feel how I feel", "What is she thinking", "How will she react"? That is why your goal now is to detach.

Other than the 'how will she react' (as I no longer care about that), you are correct. Everything has been centred on her - she is doing this and that, what is she doing etc. etc. etc.

I felt several times that I am detaching from her but I then fall back into again. I have felt for the last little while now I am detaching. Maybe it was my lo point last week that started it all. I don't know. Maybe this is just another episode and I'll 'attach' again. I'll just play it be ear, go with the flow, ride the wave ...

She doesnt even know what she is thinking right now, so then how in the world are you supposed to figure it out when she cant?

I actually think she knows exactly what she is doing. I believe her head is up her a$$ but she acts with such cool and calm coldness that it's difficult to think she is not in control on the outside.

I hate to burst your bubble but I will come right out and say it, I dont think your wife is doing things to intentionally hurt you. I dont think your wife is giving you much thought at all right now. I think she is doing something that is so out of character for her that she is trying to justify why it is ok for "someone like her" to be doing "what she is doing".

I think Sandi2 or Bluerain said something similar a while ago. Maybe she isn't doing anything to hurt me. Maybe she is just living her life. If she is doing that, and doesn't give me or D a second thought then I would rather she actually just left us both alone completely.

No doubt she isnt thinking right. Either are you. That is why you should be having no contact(or I think very little contact) with her. Try to enjoy your Christmas P17. Try to turn off your mind for a few days and just enjoy spending time with your little one.

I don't think I am thinking clearly. I think I am thinking clearer. But still not clearly about a lot of things. No contact is still in place.

I am just back from an overnight away and my head was turned off - right up until we got back and there was a text from W to D's mum. See next post.

I will enjoy Xmas. I hope you and everybody else on here does too.