I notice in all the anger about what friend's wife said, she did not deny telling the wife those things, only that she had instructed her not to repeat them. Now you know what you will be hit with.
These interactions are going to be tough, but you can handle it, as you have.
I know for a fact that my STBXW had similar conversations with her friends, so don't doubt that some of those things your W said have some truth to them.
I'd be cautious of confrontation and discussion about things you find out. Setting boundaries about some things may be fine, but she will be on guard and wary now, and that may not be beneficial to you.
I am not sure I am expressing this correctly in a forum post, or it's coming across to you as I intend. Not a 2x4 or anything like it!
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
@LOTUS, she actually did deny saying she had a L or that she was going to take me to the cleaners. What is obvious is that she has told her "friend" what she NEVER expressed to me - that she thought I was abusive and drank too much. During the end of 2008 and early 2009 I was drinking more than I should but by no means was a "drunk.". I quit the day she dropped the bomb and haven't looked back since.
@IWITW, I hear you. At this point, I have accepted she isn't coming back so there is no reason for me to keep these issues inside - never was before if I find something out that is something I need to keep to myself, I will.
IMO you handled that very well GIMA. Hearing those things must have been such a blow, especially after she has been so friendly for so long. I truly hope she was being honest when she said she has no L and didn't say she was taking you to the cleaners. That is so uncalled for. She already wants to dismantle your family, why be ugly about it?
Hope your trip to the grocery store wasn't too bad! Last night was a nightmare!
Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad & Prospero Ano!!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
OMG! How the heck did she guess that??? I was just thinking to myself, "now what movie could be so bad that he wouldn't want to go see it with the kids?" Heavens! I should have known!
Now, my son and I were planning to go see Sherlock Holmes tomorrow but now it seems he is going to his dad's for the afternoon so that plan is out. That would be a much more fun movie, but probably not good viewing for your very young children!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
OMG! How the heck did she guess that??? I was just thinking to myself, "now what movie could be so bad that he wouldn't want to go see it with the kids?" Heavens! I should have known!
Now, my son and I were planning to go see Sherlock Holmes tomorrow but now it seems he is going to his dad's for the afternoon so that plan is out. That would be a much more fun movie, but probably not good viewing for your very young children!
No, probably not appropriate for a 9 and 6 year old.
And, in response to your earlier post Mishka, I do not think she has lawyered up. My guard is up, but you would have to know her "friend" who said these things to understand. As for the L issue, I am one, so I understand the importance of getting counsel.
GIMA, you did perfect. W must have been shocked that you found out, and that you handled it with such maturity and composure. People lay a lot of things when preparing for a D, W's friend also could have exaggerated. You'll never know, but it's good W knows you are aware if she is saying uncool things.
You are a L, so you know how to fight in court. You will handle fine. She can threaten, but you know what you can and cannot defend.
She already wants to dismantle your family, why be ugly about it?
Really, that IS what they went to see.