Last night, my wife and I started out being friendly. But, as the night went on, I noticed she grew more and more angry. She tried to pick a couple of fights but I refused to take the bait.
At bed time, I asked her, "You seem a bit standoffish. Do you want to talk?" Immediate hostility. She reiterated she wanted to sell the house and seperate. She has been pressuring me to sign a listing agreement for several days. I have refused and said I would consider it after the first of the year. Financially, it is probobly a good move if(and this is a big if) we can get a good price on our home. I sought out the aspects of this conversation that we could agree on, validated her feelings and remained centered. I do not oppose this idea, but I do not feel like now is the right time for me to make that decision and won't be bullied into it.
I brought up the topic of her depression. She denied being depressed. This is not a big shock. (Two days ago she discussed checking herself in to a mental health facility in all seriousness. But she's not depressed? She has had no interest in Christmas. She has lost touch with her family. She goes into rages. But she is not depressed.) I calmly said, my responsibility is to listen and help you any way that I can cope with these demons. But, I need to be clear, it is your responsibility to address your depression and I will not enable you to avoid it any longer. I won't pretend it does not exist even if you do. She accussed me of making judgments about her. My response was that The only judgment that I have ever made about was when I decided that I wanted you to be my wife. That judgment, that you were worthy to be my spouse(she often feels inadequate and insecure), was true then and it remains true today. You have done some things that I do not like, however, I view your actions as seperate from you.' She did not respond. I am not saying our R does not have problems, at all.Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut, but I feel I have allowed her to blame her emotional issues on our relationship too long. I feel I must speak the truth.
I had hopes she would cool the S talk, but apparently she remains committed to that course of action right now. Is she still coming to terms with the impact of her A, still in withdrawal, depressed, all of the above? Any thoughts?
