Yep, parents know everything. That was a hard one, since they are aging and very unhappy with her for what has happened. She had asked them for money without telling them why (got some skin tags removed from her groin), and then asked them for more the second time for a lawyer. They had no idea. Once they found out it was for a retainer fee, they asked her to return the money, and said they would not enable her running away from her marriage.
It's hard to see them suffering also, but I know her family is behind me on this one. My wife doesn't even really contact any of them anymore, and they all used to talk daily, multiple times.
5. The goal here is to do everything in my means, and everything within my own ethics, to squeeze the fun and life out of my wife's affair. Operation Python, if you will. The money is the first part, which should add stress to their fairytale life. Good relations with her family is another, which should help limit loopholes for her to use to get money, support, etc. Limited contact and strong boundaries is another, to keep her grounded in reality and to protect my children as best possible. And contacting the dbag's wife is a possible tactic, also, to induce stress into dbag's side of the equation if possible.
Like your goals Norse. Now take #5 and 180 it to your advantage. Start squeezing fun and adventure back into your life. Have outings with the kids, renew a hobby, visit museums, workout, throw a party at your house .....
Make #5 a inverse relationship. Make sense?
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Great idea, Coach. I will do just that. This is a great opportunity to reinvent aspects of myself, esp. so I don't sit around and wait for everything to fall into place.
I hope you arranged the Christmas decorations the way you want them. Do something different for Christmas dinner...Ciopino instead of turkey for example. Get your boys some new Christmas outfits. Take them skiing (I've taken mine 3 & 6).
There is lots of fun stuff to do. You'll strengthen the bond with your boys and distract yourself from the ugliness.
Never thought of the skiing! that could be fun. Or a class together or something. I need to open my mind up to all that new and fun stuff
Im thinking of just telling her that I don't want her coming over on both Xmas eve AND Xmas morning. It's too much for me to handle. I'd prefer a quiet Xmas eve with the boys anyway.
My advice would be to suck it up because it's Christmas and your boys need their mommy too. I understand where you are coming from and the pain that she has caused you, but Christmas is more about the kids than it is about us adults.
This is an opportunity for you to be magnanimous. Also, it would give her a chance to see your new decor and how well you are doing without her there.
Having said that, I wouldn't let her stay over. Let her go back to dbag for the night, knowing her boys are with their dad.
Wife showed up unannounced at 4 pm today, while we were at the our family physician (my son was having asthma). She was immediately angry that I wasn't there, and tried to call. I texted her, and she immediately came to the doc appointment. We then went to McDonalds as a family. There, she let me know that she was planning on taking the kids tonight, no questions asked. I told her I wasn't ok with that, and long story short, we deadlocked on her taking the kids without my permission. She admitted also that she has moved in with dbag (whose divorce was official today, according to her). I am absolutely against the boys going over to that guys house while she is still married to me. Absolutely. Anyway, she took my youngest from me and put him in her van, and I took my oldest with me (I thought she was going to relent and let my younger boy come also) in my car, and drive home, her following.
So we drove back to the house, and she refused to come in (she said "Send him out to me" as if he was an object of some sort). I refused. I called the local police non-emergency line, and verified that she has the same rights as I do to the kids, which I was assuming). So she drove off, and is staying at dbag's house now, with my son, without his inhaler. Nice.
We talked on the phone. She said she has had an attorney since Nov, but then also said she hasn't paid him anything yet (hmm..?!). I think she's simply using her dbag to solicit advice from his lawyer.
I just want a peaceful Xmas eve and Xmas. I said she is welcome to come over both days (I gave in...) but that she is not able to stay, and I'm not ok with her taking them to dbag's house. She will be dropping off my little guy in the morning as she heads to work (!) and we plan to meet at church later in the day.
Any advice welcome. I sent my attorney an email to call me immediately tomorrow. I just don't like not having the legal separation rules in place. I don't trust her. And I know I cannot always keep the boys from that dbag, but I feel like it is absolutely something I'm not willing to budge on. At least until we have some rules in place. But are legal separation terms enforceable by law?
Don't underestimate the nastiness she is capable of right now. Definitely time to get your legal affairs in order. It sucks to be you right now. You can handle it.
Cheers - Strength and Honor Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
That must have been exceedingly unpleasant. I am so sorry you are in this position. Coach is right about the legal side. If your attorney doesn't call you promptly tomorrow morning, call him/her.
It sounds as if you handled an ugly situation calmly and rationally. You did well, even if it doesn't feel that way right now.
We talked on the phone. She said she has had an attorney since Nov, but then also said she hasn't paid him anything yet (hmm..?!). I think she's simply using her dbag to solicit advice from his lawyer.
I supposed you could turn up the heat by having her served. I'm not sure what that would accomplish, but it might be worth discussing with your attorney.
