Not really piecing and trying not to jinx it, but

[Freckle6]

Journaling--Things are still pretty damn good. I'm still worried about jinxing it though.

I'm really excited for Christmas in a way that I haven't ever been. Our son's first Christmas was about 5 months post bomb. We were separated for his second, but H came over that morning. Up until the week before we had been kind of trying to work things out since Thanksgiving, but he crawled back into the tunnel with the "it'll never work" mindset again. He had presents for me that I refused to open and I spent most of the time he was here in the basement, chain smoking, and sobbing. The next year, our son's 3rd, I invited him to come that morning for his and our son's sake even though we were barely talking, but he said, "I probably won't bother". Just as emotionless as it sounds and he didn't bother. I never invited him again for the next two years.

The plan is this year he's going to spend Christmas Eve here so he can be here Christmas morning. For the first time ever, we will be together for a "real" Christmas morning as a family. Complete with an excited 5 year old ripping into presents with wild abandon. H kept asking me what I wanted for Christmas and I really can't think of anything better than that.

I feel very fortunate right now. I don't know what the future holds but no matter what, I'm thankful for what I have right now. Happy holidays everyone!