I think SP has a point worth considering on the continuum-of-revelation. It seems like what you're mostly looking for is a symbolic commitment to honesty from her, yes? At first, I mean. Instead of the resistance you've been getting. If she surrendered on that point, would you think about some kind of schedule or process (in counseling, perhaps, as aforesaid) for progressive truth?
I think SP and Kettricken make good points re: the continuum of revealtion. It seems that you are looking for a large scale truth-dump where all the gory details are brought out in one shot. You want 100% honesty and after two years of fighting, showing strength and growing as a person, you deserve nothing less than 100% honesty. The problem with honesty is that it is really sort of a nebulous concept. You can never really know if someone is being 100% honest, even in a healthy relationship. If she came to you and confessed 100 affairs and gave million details, you would still have a feeling in the back of your mind that maybe that wasn't the whole story. Don't get me wrong, I am a details kind of guy and I won't move forward with my W (if we ever get to that point) without some serious sharing on her part.
IMO, your W needs to admit something at this point and show remorse, for me, that would be the minimum cover charge to get in the reconcilliation door. I think the continuum approach is good and instead of looking at the quantity of the effort, maybe a better measure of her commitment is the quality and consistency of her efforts over the coming months.
