Women with HD...is it true or just situational?

[TeaEarlGreyHot]

Is it common for women who are in healthy, active, normal sexual relationships to not want to have their partner touch their "private parts", such as their breasts and vulva? I'm of course, speaking of activities during petting, foreplay, or sex. I'm not talking about the "unwanted" and inconsiderate groping by the horny husband when the wife is in the middle of making dinner and the pot is boiling over and smoke is coming out of the oven.

It would be nice if women in healthy, active, normal sexual relationships would answer your question directly. Unless the HD women of this forum actually answer that, what we have is some evidence that the answer might be a "yes."

From my observational experience of short-term relationships, the answer is a very definite yes. In fact, very self-assured women will lead you there if you aren't quick enough to find your way yourself. But those relationships often end from other causes though sexual intimacy could be a contributing factor.

In my two long-term sexual relationships, both that eventually went non-sexual, there was a relatively extended period of more than a few years where intimate touching was the norm...the shock for me was to have THAT, along with most other things sexual, go away.

In my first marriage, that desire for intimate touch stretched from a period of June 1973 (from the time I first met and started dating the women who would become my first wife) until September 11, 1980, when much of that "went away" or just was not reliably desired by her. The significance of that 1980 date was that it was three days before our son was born and the last time (in my view) where our sex life was "normal" (and by "normal" I mean it was frequent even during pregnancy, intimate, and hours-long sessions where she would orgasm almost at first touch, or at the first gentle sucking on one of her nipples). Rarely did we hurry through the intimmate foreplay. So, my observation over more than seven years is that the answer to your question is "yes!"

When things got "abnormal" it did not seem true any longer.

The shock was that after our son was born, most of that desire for intimate touch went away over the next four years. Although we had a couple of truly erotic, intimate and deeply satisfying experiences of sexual intimacy over the next four years, they were few and far between.

Two years after the revealing of her 1 year affair, our separation and divorce, I considered myself "available" and looking for "a healthy, active, normal sexual relationship."

For the first few years after my second wife and I met, our sex life was also similarly active to that of my first wife when we met (in some ways she was more adventursome, some ways less), but wanting to be touched was something that characterized our early sex life. And the thing that I find particularly disturbing about my current situation is that I was and have been explicit about the way I wanted the intimate relationship to operate.

Even as our sex life fell off, wanting to be touched still characterized our intimate moments until she started rejecting them. Wanting to be touched became more and more sporadic until it finally came to an end.

She just didn't want to be touched any longer. Holding hands or walking arm-in arm was (and still is occasionally) acceptable. But wanting to be caressed in any way or anything beyond a quick kiss is out of the question. Oh, she'll allow me to rub her shoulders to rub out the strain of a day in front of a computer monitor. But being naked in a bed with me is entirely out of the question.

Years ago, skin on skin was exciting and desired.

Not any more (by her).

Given the outcomes, I do question whether there was ever a time when things were "normal."

Depressing.