Well, had a pretty good day with Grandmother and boys. No talk about W with boys at all-not even brought up.
We have a few more days together, and I am going to make them count. I am establishing small boundaries with my boys, as far as their behavior etc. They have been living in a lawless home for 9 months, and it shows in their manners, and in their body language. I am correcting that as I go.
It is going to be rough dropping them back off to her, as I know she is going to punish them for them being with me. She will grill them, and make them feel bad for going with me. But I think they are both old enough to see right through that stuff.
I am doing my best to NOT think of her, and what she is doing. It works sometimes-other times I struggle.
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
I would talk to your lawyer about having someone you trust checking on the boys when you head back. Sounds like you are doing OK. Merry Christmas.
Strength and Honor Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Save all her texts and emails. Do NOT delete them but don't respond. She thinks or wants you to write back some scathing comments so she can have the "upper hand" so to speak, so she can know it is getting to you and you're thinking about her, and depending on how vindictive she is, she's doing it so that you WILL write back and she can have something to take to her attorney. Honesty, it sounds like she's digging herself into a hole, willingly and quickly. Her problem, not yours.
The lesson here is to not write back. At all. You initiate contact with her and the rest is history.
Well, last night I tossed and turned. Couldn't get W out of my mind. This is one of the things I really wish I could get past-thinking of her.
I have my boys, I am surrounded by family, yet still think about what W is doing/who with/where etc.
W called both boys last night and told them what she got them for Christmas-had to be better than what I got them. But that is ok, my boys are with ME, not her for Christmas.
I miss her, and I feel bad for doing so.
I don't want to have any feelings for her, but I still do-really want that to stop, and soon.
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
Well, last night I tossed and turned. Couldn't get W out of my mind. This is one of the things I really wish I could get past-thinking of her.
I have my boys, I am surrounded by family, yet still think about what W is doing/who with/where etc.
W called both boys last night and told them what she got them for Christmas-had to be better than what I got them. But that is ok, my boys are with ME, not her for Christmas.
I miss her, and I feel bad for doing so.
I don't want to have any feelings for her, but I still do-really want that to stop, and soon.
TIME, brother, it takes time. We all get exactly what you're feeling right now. B/c we've all been (are) there. Painful, but it does get easier. But time, and a he!! of a lot of self motivation are necessary.
Allow yourself to have your feelings. Feelings are not right or wrong...they just ARE. Process them, then do something to clear your mind - long runs help me. Or, throw yourself into the boys.
You're doing just fine. Just keep plodding along. But, all you have to do right now is get through today. Make it as positive as you can.
gima, I am really trying to navigate through these rough waters. I sometimes begin to feel sorry for myself, and feeling overall like a failure.
My self-esteem has really taken a beating the last 5 months, and the last 3 weeks in particular. I just don't feel good about myself, and the sitch I am in.
It just seems like she has all the power-so to speak-having the boys/house/my bike/my things etc. I just feel like I am at her mercy as far as all of that.
I have got to get my mind right, and start to heal from all of this. Not sure when that will kick in to high gear, but I hope it is soon.
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
gima, I am really trying to navigate through these rough waters. I sometimes begin to feel sorry for myself, and feeling overall like a failure.
My self-esteem has really taken a beating the last 5 months, and the last 3 weeks in particular. I just don't feel good about myself, and the sitch I am in.
It just seems like she has all the power-so to speak-having the boys/house/my bike/my things etc. I just feel like I am at her mercy as far as all of that.
I have got to get my mind right, and start to heal from all of this. Not sure when that will kick in to high gear, but I hope it is soon.
Here's something to chew on. You can't wait for your happiness to kick in. One thing I had to learn is what co-dependence was. When we depend on someone else for our happiness, that's a short definition of co-dependence.
You, and you alone are responsible for your happiness. That's not your W's job, your dog's, your kids', or anyone else's. It's YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.
So, do things that help you win back your self-esteem. Get in top shape physically and mentally. Pray for strength, confidence and wisdom. Get things right in your "house."
Everyone here has an extremely bruised and batterred self-esteem, we men especially. But, you can change that by taking back responsibility for your self-esteem. Totally normal to feel what you feel right now. But you gotta keep walking through that hell. And there IS an end to it. But you can't get there standing still.
My self-esteem has really taken a beating the last 5 months, and the last 3 weeks in particular. I just don't feel good about myself, and the sitch I am in.
really what is it you have done to lose your self-esteem? Stand up for your family? Not respond to your wifes wickedness in-kind? Carrying yourself like a warrior, a real man? Serving your country honorably and finding your wife destroying your family and you can still find a way to carry on with character? No sir, you my friend should be proud of how you have handled things. This is incredibly difficult and you are doing great.
Strength and Honor
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
