I really appreciate where you're coming from, and I will take your words under advisement. But I think you have jumped to the same conclusions that some of the others have by assuming that my asking my S's questions about what goes on when they are with their mother means I am trying to turn them against her. That is not my aim. I know full well that for me to do so, even if I happened to want to (which I don't), would surely backfire.
My sons need their mother as much as their father. I understand this a lot better than you give me credit for.
However, there is this matter of the cohabitation violation. It is a definite part of our legal order, which we both signed before the judge. The judge in our case approved and signed the order as well. It is legally binding -- ironically more so than the M contract we had, sad-to-say. I cannot in good conscious allow her to continue to skirt the agreement she demanded we have drawn up between us. To do so would be wrong and not in my interests or my S's.
Furthermore, I had that clause included in our agreement, with the full blessing of my L -- and defended it from alteration -- for the purpose of protecting my children from their mother's indiscretions. (And knowing full well it binds me as well.) I know the harm that can come to children's psychological, emotional and moral development when their parent fails to hide their philandering ways from them.
Are you thinking that defending my position and standing firm on this and other principles will cause more harm than good? I can assure you I am doing my part to compartmentalize the legal and moral dispute I have with my S's mother from the way I interact with and parent them. They know nothing of the custody suit that their mother filed against me except that the status quo was maintained. (Excepting of course what details xW has been telling them.)
Or should I do nothing? Just let her do what she wants with them even if it is in blatant violation of our agreement and exposes our S's to a whole lot more serious hurt down the road? Abrogate my responsibilities and my moral convictions as their parent and go off like so many fathers who decide to ignore their own children after a D?
I will consider your words. Honestly, I will. But I feel like I am forced to choose between the lesser of evils here.
