I don't want my W to have a terrible life, nor do I wish any ill will upon her. But, it would be nice to hear one day that she made a mistake. But by then, it won't matter. Maybe I am still struggling with the "WHY" and hearing her say she made a mistake would somehow justify my thoughts/beliefs. Would be a hollow "victory," if a victory at all. A bit of a ramble now.
I fight feelings of resentment/anger, then read a post like Smartcookie's yesterday, and it is the first time in several months when I was brought to tears. As I read her post, I saw a lot of my sitch, or at least the way I suspect my W perceives it. Logical side said to stop reading, it's gonna hurt. But, I couldn't stop reading. And it DID HURT, a lot.
The thought that she can see me the way SC discussed her H is VERY painful.
But then, I think that we have hurt each other enough at this point. Isn't it worth another try? Aren't our kids worth it? Aren't we? I understand the answers to these questions, at least I think I do. But the questions illustrate my frustration. That I know we can make this work - but I DON't KNOW for HER. I just know she has apparently shut the door on working on us. For her, she would rather be alone than with me. And that cuts about as deeply as anything can.
Wow! I can relate to so much of what you say here GIMA.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
