Where in the world did that come from !!!

[blownaway65]

Yeah, I suppose that 'cheap brownie points' isn't really going to be seen as genuine change, and you're right, me telling her what a good guy I am isn't the way to go either, she has to figure that out for herself.

Will just let her know to expect kids XMas eve and that I'll get them 8:30ish. Nothing more and nothing less than that.

Thanks

[blownaway65]

Done, will wait to see what happens because she wanted them to sleep over but they don't want to

[blownaway65]

Well that might be a monumental f*ckup.

Unbeknown to me W sent S21 a text at 2:05pm asking if the kids were coming over XMas Eve to spend the night. He hasn't replied yet.

Me in the meantime had sent a text at 3:45pm telling W that the kids would be there XMas Eve & I would pick them up at 8:30ish.

I have a nasty feeling she will think I'm in collusion with the kids (which I'm not) and just get really narky about the whole thing. I tried to be straight and businesslike with no emotion about the whole thing, I just hope she doesn't think I'm just reacting because she got in first with the texting!!

What do you guys think.

[blownaway65]

Well it was met with a steely silence from W.

Only other thing we have discussed (just texting) is Child Support, straight up and businesslike.

So hard to deal when she just "opts out" of any sort of interaction even about the kids.

[sandi2]

or do I not want to seem to be seen as backing down all the time.

She certainly doesn't need to see you backsliding. For a mother who has seen her children only a couple of hours (living 500 yards away) in five months......I would think she should be grateful that she gets any time with them through Christmas. They are old enough to express how they feel and apparently they have not wanted to see her during these five months or they could have done so, right?

Anyway, I think you need to be there for your kids and to heck with what she wants just b/c it's Christmas. She is trying to screw you over during the holidays....is my personal take on it. Be fair, but don't cave in. She needs to see you standing strong.

[blownaway65]

I agree completely.

The kids will be with her for about 4 hours XMas eve, that was my concession to fairness. Then we're going to my folks for 3 days - she can deal with that.

And yeah for the past 5 months I've been hanging in, but only for the kids.

Now it's my turn for ME.

I guess I have finally realized that if she is going to come back it has to be of her own accord and I have to make myself into the person she wants to be with, but not for her.

Thanks Sandi, have a good Christmas.

[blownaway65]

Just venting here, anyone feel free to belt me over the head, but this is really pissing me off BIG TIME.

How can anyone be blind to the devastation their actions are causing their family?

I'm soooooo angry with WAW at the moment.

[luvless]

Just venting here, anyone feel free to belt me over the head, but this is really pissing me off BIG TIME.

How can anyone be blind to the devastation their actions are causing their family?

I'm soooooo angry with WAW at the moment.

Never could agree with anyone more than ever!

[sandi2]

I guess I have finally realized that if she is going to come back it has to be of her own accord and I have to make myself into the person she wants to be with, but not for her.

I think the number one best way would be for her to want to return to the M and wamt to go to work on the R. The next best way is for her to be "willing" to return and willing to work on the R. Then the third best would be "willing to be willing". After that....it kind of just goes down hill. But, that last part of your quote is right on the mark!

How can anyone be blind to the devastation their actions are causing their family?

I wished I knew how to explain that.....but I don't how. Some of it is "blindness" in a way. Their mind is so fogged up and....it's like they can see, but they don't "care" like they would when they are "normal". It's almost like a disease, except there is one huge difference....."free will". There is always a choice for a WAS in an A.

[blownaway65]

Well, there's XMas day come and gone. W had kids for 4 hours XMas Eve when they did their pressies & all that. I picked them up at 8:30pm.

I think W & her brother (who she's living with) spent XMas day with friends of ours from out of town.

Here's a question which someone may be able to help with. W & BIL living together, what sort of impact might it have on W's emotional and 'companionship' needs and is it something I could possibly look at as a positive in that she isn't with OM in a sexual way ?