or, realize when 2 married people just want something on the side it can go on and off and on and off for a long long time.
even though they become addicted to eachother and possibly fall in love they may be unwilling to give up what else they have (children, finances, stability). they want it all, so to say.
realize after they are caught. they may just cool it off (for a little while) and then they go underground and become secretive about it. hence, the reason to sell your SUV.
and the holidays esp. there are family commitments, children, the need to keep up a 'front' in front of the family. this is a period when they cool it off naturally. not that they are not thinking about eachother or still in contact, but the whole affair mentality gets put aside for a few weeks. then it may pick up stronger in the spring. Remember, 'April is the cruellest month.'
just random thoughts that people going through this should keep in the back of their mind.
we speak so much about exposure on this site. but there is also something else to consider. when nothing else works to break up an affair, push/give your spouse to the other (married) person. there is a reason why they keep the both of you and the 'cake eating' 'want it all' 'on the side' mentality will blow up in their face. once you say no more and push them towards the OP their neediness will begin to show. it will no longer be this happy go lucky infatuation sex in the back of the car but this attitude of 'look what i gave up for you. you have to do the same.' that will scare off alot of married affair partners. esp. men who realize that paying alimony and child support to be with someone who cannot be faithful isnt really worth it.
I agree with you McQueen. Affairs are like cancer, some go into remission only to re-appear at a later date with a vengeance. Some may just be arrested for awhile until they slowly and silently devour their host, while others may be completely defeated with effective treatment techniques. Whatever the outcome, the similarities are striking with this analogy… treatment must be aggressive and lifelong for any hope of survival. Also, a positive attitude is paramount for the affected individual to maintain, or in some instances, increase the quality of their life. Chances of survival are dramatically increased if caught and treated in the early stages. In the later stages, radical surgery may be necessary to amputate or remove the cancerous growth, followed by sustained and sometimes painful and lengthy chemotherapy. This is how I choose to look at my marriage. Right now, the cancer (OM / A) is in remission….but I will always remain on high alert for it to reappear, and the very real possibility of amputation. I consider myself fortunate that I found support, and followed the treatment plan recommended by the experts. It works. The most important ingredient was redefining my own attitude, and maintaining a positive healthy outlook in spite of my world crashing down around me. No matter what hand I’m dealt, the only thing I have any control over is my attitude.
P.S I took Puppy’s advice and changed my screen name
Oblivious Me / W 47 EA 07/09 to ? PA ? M 13 Years
marriage is the most interesting event of one's life, the foundation of happiness or misery. GEORGE WASHINGTON, May 23, 1785
