here we go again

[Jstar]

ive seen some posts as to people who hate being in limbo never really knowing one day month to the next if they are heading in the path of reconciling,. granted most people on here are very strong in staying the course. i just see things as hopeless. i also hate the limbo and to have a decision one way or another is freeeing.

[Jstar]

it appears we are back to a push pull game playing. h leaves vm after i've given him my choice texts and says well my screen on phone doens't work so if you've sent something i cant read it. its now i want to pick up d2 for a few hrs xmas eve, tak eher to mil, borrow my car seat and then return her to me.

i am pissed and just livid in his constant disrespect. i plainly put it to him 2 times atleast that he must start with supervised visitation before anything, a month of not seeing does not mean i will hand her over freely. especially to go to the hoarding coachroach infested place of his mothers.

i put these boundaries out and he continually ignores them. he goes from one day u are my wife, i won't give you a divorce, i miss you a lil, i still love, i want to work it out to ignoring.

i have not responded to his msg, don't think i will. just bcuz it's xmas or eve, doesn't not mean i should be soft and let him walk over me. i have not denied visitation, he can see her supervised, told him to purchase his own car seat, he does not do it.

then to boot asks at 7 pm on the 23rd to see d2 when he's known for weeks xmas was on the way, again, it's i want to see d2 when it works for me but not on any schedule or routine. i have asked him for a schedule which he just ignores.

there's nothing i believe in what he says, it's all crap.

[bluerain]

I agree, people fight about carseats alot, each parent needs their own.

Is there some family activity that the three of you could do for Christmas that would sort of be supervised visitation, like a gift exchange, or breakfast?

I think that other than that, you have told him what you need from him, you dont need to repeat it. Do you think that his phone is really broken?

[Jstar]

i'm not about to go suggesting it at this point. it all jstar u make xmas suck, you've made the past 3 xmas horrible, blah blah.

i have no way of trusting anything he says. he called my niece and she texted him back and he never answered text msg so his screen could be broken....

he just does not get it, ignores my boundaries, point blank told him what he needed to do not only about visitaiton schedule to car seats and on. he just wants to do what he wants to when he wants to do it.

what does db say about this? go back to darkness? wait for another time to come out, when he starts flipping out again.. just keeps saying i'm trying to approach you your walls are up, more blah blah.

[bluerain]

I think that DB says that you need to hold fast to your boundaries, and you have given them, even if it is the case his phone is broken, what about the other 3 times that you told him? He has the information on how to get back and if thats what he wants, he will make it happen. And if hes not willing to meet you halfway- is it really something that you want?

If you really wanted to make sure that he got them, you could email him?

[Jstar]

i'm going to hold fast to them and the man child has been told a couple times. there is nothing he's going to do with the information, he just keeps on thinking i can walk all over jstar she's full of it.

i have no email addy for him, who knows if i sent a letter he'd get it, his mommy may intercept it.

[Jstar]

the question is do i want a divorce?

not really i don't. i don't know how to get over these hurdles.

let me think, nc made some of h's feelings come out so that maybe something that was working. as soon as we got more involved in convo he started to pull away.

if he says i'm mean and immature what is it that i can show him that i am not without violating boundaries i've set?

[bluerain]

Say, "I understand how you might feel that way." or "Im sorry that you feel that way" You are violating him, and he is going to have a hard time argueing with it. I think that NC almost always works, as long as there isnt an OP involved, it is very effective. But at some point, if you want things to work, it has to be broken, and thats the tough part. If at any point he starts to pull away again, you instantly go pitch black!

I really think that if you could scrape together the money to even have one DB phone coaching appt, it would help you out alot.

[Jstar]

i agree about the db coach, i need to do it and i will just not at this moment.

after he left that msg yesterday about taking d2 to mil, i stressed all day him calling, showing up so d2 and i beat feet out of the house, went to dinner, came home then he left a msg. he wished merry xmas, like to come in to give presents to us, his family bought d2 some, he started talking about R, i said it wasn't a good time, validate him saying our xmas suck, told him mine didn't i was upbeat and hear the sadness in his voice.

he started to stay stuff from the botton of my heart, he tried to blame me for stuff, i said well if your going to talk to me that way i am going to terminate conversation, i felt legitmately bad for him. i did bunch of no no's and tried calling him back, thank goodness he didn't answer. i was about to say to him, that i felt bad and was going to make a gesture. oh yeah he also asked if he could come over xmas and i said we had plans, i feel bad about that too.

i think i did ok dbing, i terminated convo before him, said i was busy validate his feelings...

we will see.

[bluerain]

Why do you not want him there for christmas? Do you think that it might be a time for you to show him your changes?