Ask her if she's ready for the long haul, the process that is rebuilding. No matter how much I love my W I couldn't begin to start again without the mutual understanding that it will not happen overnight, that it will be a long journey and that not much will appear to change for a long time.
What you're going through could be considered a part of the reconciliation process, in that much of it is about the clashes that come from re-learning about each other and what led up to the problems. If that's the case, I congratulate you.
Love, I'm learning is about conciliation, collaboration, cooperation. You have to get over the ego tug-o-war. I couldn't. I know I'll have to in order to move forward, but I'm not willing to if she isn't either. It's the "who drops their guard first" dilemma.
My only real advice is to offer some olive branch, despite the past betrayals, and see what happens. Give fair warning that any sign of dishonesty, etc will lead to your immediate shut-down. She has to work for the rest, but my hunch is that if she is serious, it will lead to more honest communication.
Take it or leave it. I'm still pining for a W that clearly wants nothing to do w/ me romantically, so what do I know? I hope it helps, though.
~Mark
Me: 38 W: 34 Together: 9yrs 1st M: may '03 1st D: april '08 1st bomb: june '08 remarried: oct '08 2nd bomb: aug '09 --(W asked for D one week into 3 mo. trial separation which was meant to save our M)
