Hey SP, as for the details, I'm not looking for the nitty gritty intimate details, I want to know who & when and for how long it went on, we have a large circle of friends and I always had a sneaking suspicion something went on with one of our friends and I can't be that clueless chump that walks around not knowing that I'm buddy buddy with a guy that screwed my wife - I deserve to know this much. As I mentioned in a previous post, I'm not looking to find out if she was "triple teamed european style", that's the not the scope of what I'm looking for. I also want to know when the last encounter was and if she was with both of us at that time - yes another thing that I want to know.
As for what's in it for her? Good question, but my answer is nothing. I'm not here to give her anything. I've turned this around, she has lost me and she realizes it and now she's scrambling and I would be dishonest if I didn't say I didn't enjoy this just a bit - all of the crap that she put me through in the beginning was enough to break most men including the guy who is typing this response now.
In the end it's my decision to forgive but I'm not going to offer forgiveness so easily or at all, I'm not sure yet. But I can tell you that none of that will exist in the current environment, if she isn't honest with me, there is no possibility for me to offer forgiveness at all.
If me rationalizing to myself that "I won't have dishonesty" is just an excuse for me not to forgive her, if that's what it truly is, its very possible that this is the case.
I know I'm at the point where I haven't lost anything anymore, I have gained more from this current situation. She was my wife, she was someone I trusted and now regardless of the legalities involved, she isn't any of those things, I don't trust her, she continues to behave in ways that don't promote trust and no one has to accept that just because you are married to someone.
Without trust & honesty there is nothing, the sex was great, I acknowledge that, but I also acknowledge that I contributed to that and that means I can have great sex with another partner if & when that situation presents itself, she doesn't hold that over me anymore and she can't control me that way anymore either - this is why we're at this point now, she lost that ability to control me and she was very used to that power and she has nothing left. Coupled with the dating which it's quite possible she knows about, something crazy has triggered her recent reactions.
In the end, I know that ultimately it's my decision to love her, to take her back, to forgive her for what she's done, I know that much.
However before any of that is possible for me, I want the truth and I want to know about the details of the affair(s) that I specifically asked about, without that info, none of these other things would be remotely possible for me.
