Talked with W again this morning. Told her about wanting to turn the ship around and using the time apart to think and come up with solutions and that I also asked for her ideas. Told her that her opinion matters and at first W said nothing. Then she changed the topic to bills that need to be paid. Then W came back to what I had said and started to pry into what I wanted to talk about. I said that I want to first think about it and then talk about it. I did not want to get into it over the phone. I was the first to say good-bye. (Not like me) I think that she is wondering if I have changed my mind about moving out. (which I have) She can go if she wants to.
Taking it one step at a time.
"The first step in the acquisition of wisdom is silence, the second listening, the third memory, the fourth practice, the fifth teaching others." Solomon Ibn Gabriol
Thanks for the encouragement. I read back over you sitch, gave me some insight. Stay strong.
"The first step in the acquisition of wisdom is silence, the second listening, the third memory, the fourth practice, the fifth teaching others." Solomon Ibn Gabriol
I've been doing some reading in DB, DR, and many threads and what you have suggested setting up a time to talk about how to help seems like it goes against what they say to do.
She is expecting me to be out of the house upon her return on the 1st. I return from FL on the 29th. I have already talked with her about wanting to discuss some things w/o out S around when she gets back. If I am not suppose to bring up topics like the R then how does what you suggested fit in. I am just confused. Any suggestions/clarifications would be helpful.
Tahnks
"The first step in the acquisition of wisdom is silence, the second listening, the third memory, the fourth practice, the fifth teaching others." Solomon Ibn Gabriol
I just got off the phone w/ W. She was saying goodnight to out S. So badly wanted to see how she was doing. How I didn't let it slip out I don't know. I do realize that I need to not drink anything it makes my lips looser. (only had one tonight and still felt it) If its hard now I can't imagine how hard it will be when we are in the same house/state. I guess I'll find out on the 1st.
Hope Ev1 has a great Christmas.
"The first step in the acquisition of wisdom is silence, the second listening, the third memory, the fourth practice, the fifth teaching others." Solomon Ibn Gabriol
I am going to talk with an atty. on Monday and was posting to see what types of questions I need to consider. Brief sitch: W wants D. Originally said I would move out. Not moving out. S2 in home. Want to keep him at home. I work and she is SAM with health issues.(back & fibro.) She can only lift 10 -15 lbs. Rt Now Some that I have thought of are: How does custody work in SC?
What type of support might I be required to pay if she does move out?
Can she take our son with her?
What are the tax implications when filing taxes?
She has two outstanding settlements for car accidents how do those settlements play into a S or D?
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Thanks
"The first step in the acquisition of wisdom is silence, the second listening, the third memory, the fourth practice, the fifth teaching others." Solomon Ibn Gabriol
I don't know what to do now. I was planning to tell W that she can move out if she wants to since she wants the divorce and the lawyer that I just talked to said that a judge can remove me from my own house. So how do I proceed from here? I am so frustrated. Please help.
"The first step in the acquisition of wisdom is silence, the second listening, the third memory, the fourth practice, the fifth teaching others." Solomon Ibn Gabriol
Help, I just got off the phone with my W. She tried talking about not going to lunch when we get back. She wanted to talk about how my apartment hunt was going. I just tried to stay calm and say that it was part of my life now and that I thanked her for her concern but I have it handled. I am so sad. She sounds so hurt on the phone and it feels like I am hurting her again. How does detachment work? I have been reading DB and DR but just need the lines connected, please.
"The first step in the acquisition of wisdom is silence, the second listening, the third memory, the fourth practice, the fifth teaching others." Solomon Ibn Gabriol
If you are not moving out then why did you not just tell your W that you had decided not to move out but she is welcome to if she feels that is what she needs to do?
Let her know you spoke with an attny but don't let her know what the attny said. Never share legal info with the WAS.
Are you asking how to detach or are you asking why you need to?
If she wants a divorce let her find the money to hire an attny and get that ball rolling. Until then you will not have further disruption to your life and all your energies should be focused on you and your children.
I guess I am just looking for reassurance. I know that I am very new at this. Nowhere else to turn right now. Parents are trying to help but it just gets me more worked up. So I am going to stop sharing with them.
I will tell her that I am not moving out face to face when we are both back in the same state.
"The first step in the acquisition of wisdom is silence, the second listening, the third memory, the fourth practice, the fifth teaching others." Solomon Ibn Gabriol
If its hard now I can't imagine how hard it will be when we are in the same house/state. I guess I'll find out on the 1st.