Thank you. I think it is exactly as you say. The silent periods help. For both them and us. I maintained no/limited contact for a month. I felt better after the stay/go rollercoaster she put me through for a year. She sounded happier. No face/voice to apply negativity to.
I think what made the floodgates reopen for me was the date I had with her Friday. I broke no contact because she seemed happier. The date went well, no relationship talk. Even though I didn't want them to my expectations started soaring.
I asked her out again. She said I was being too pushy. I sent her a note saying I wanted to date her consistently - without any goals. Maybe we would go nowhere, maybe we would ignite the passion of a new relationship with the comfort of old friends. I told her I wouldn't ask her out again, but my door is open. I miss talking to her. She needs to ask next time.
So, I started brooding. I don't know where this is going. Maybe she doesn't either. Maybe I just don't get the point. Maybe I should take a page out of her playbook and go into "party mode." That's not what I want. If I've learned anything, I have to ask for what I want. Not expect it just to happen. That violates space and makes me appear pushy/needy. I've been pretty good about covering it up, but I am pushy/needy.
During the no contact, I genuinely got to the point where I wasn't afraid, lonely, or sad. Just happy that she is happier and happier myself. Out of sight, out of mind.
I will resume no contact. I asserted myself, now I'll take a step back. Gone but not forgotten, hopefully. Maybe brief encounters will change her mind. I have to be careful about being lovingly detached from her and not becoming cold, angry to deal with my longing. When do I reassert? How long do I hold on? I know no one can answer. I pray for her every morning and every night. I use "The Power of a Praying Husband."
I want this to be over so badly. The finality of Divorce may be welcome. I'm just having a bad day. Thank you for your support.
