I was never good at setting them. Now we have been separated for 6 weeks. Over the last year and a half, she changed between staying and going every two months. I don't know if I should try this now, or if it is even worth it. What do I have to lose? How long can I wait? I have been treating her like a princess for a year. It didn't work. No contact is one thing, but should I send her a letter too? Something like:
This letter is for me rather than for you. You have already told me enough. I just tried so hard to make up for past mistakes and truly believed that, with time, you could see me for the wonderful person I am.
You are my dream girl. Now you are just a dream. I wish our paths had crossed at some point in our struggles, except for that brief, wonderful moment in our youth. We wanted the same things.
I wish you never took my issues personally. I made it impossible not to. I needed help. I was crying out for love and affection. I never knew how to ask. That is gone now. I am a better man.
I respect your decision to divorce and to see other men. I respect you. I will not support your decision by waiting for you, contacting you, or being friends. I need to keep my respect. I am more confident in myself than I ever have been. I will not continue to struggle, internally and externally, for someone who has moved on.
Passion, romance, and communication didn’t bring you back. True love didn’t work. If that was pressuring, pushy, or needy so be it. I was going after what I wanted. To lead life, rather than for it to lead me.
It’s time for me to give up on you. We can both relax now. I expect to have no contact with you in the future, unless it is to talk about the kids. I wish the best for you. I hope you find the love you are looking for. I love you. I always will.
I don't know. I was always one to write letters to W -- especially when things were getting really rough -- and they worked, but with far less regularity and at the end they worked in reverse.
I did write W a letter about three months into our separation and it lead to the one good conversation we've had. I talked mostly about the mistakes I'd learned I'd made and apologized. I didn't say anything about not being friends or dating others. That'll play itself out in the end.
I would wait until someone like Sandi or Greek weighs in on this. A WAS doesn't think like an LBS. An LBS would get this letter and swoon in a second. A WAS may just look at this as the last desperate attempt to shame/blame them into coming back and seal the deal.
In fact, a poorly written letter may be worse than a loose comment. You can forget those eventually. A letter that strikes the wrong chord can be stored forever to be read when the WAS is doubting his/her decision.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
You may be right. Actions speak louder than words anyway. I have always been one to explain and analyze. She'll get the message with no contact. Kind of ridiculous anyway. To say, you can't have me when she doesn't want me. I suppose I want to snap her out of it. I also want an endgame. It's been too long. I get conflicting signals and talk. I want it to be over.
Do not send this letter. It makes you look weak, needy, and unsure of yourself.
Quote:
I respect your decision to divorce and to see other men. I respect you.
She will see that you don't respect yourself, therefore she won't respect you.
Quote:
I have been treating her like a princess for a year. It didn't work.
This won't either.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I'm getting tired of not being able to do things I want to do because of how they appear. Is no contact/moving on/hope all that can be done?
I have never been so sure of myself in my entire life. I am usure of the situation. But the letter is the truth. I have never had such high self esteem.
It can be cathartic to write such letters but honestly, they probably won't do much. You said in your letter you choose not to have contact unless it's about the children. No need to tell her that, just start doing it. She may notice, she may not but either way it will give you some space so YOU can decide what YOU need for YOU.
*IF* the WAS ever snaps out of it (and that is a big, fat if) it has to be on their timeline and rarely does that timeline match up with the one the LBS has in mind.
I am unsure what you mean by an "end game"? Does that mean a divorce or something else?
What ever it may be. She wants a divorce. I want the marriage to work, but today is one of those days. I think I may be wasting my time. I just don't know what to do anymore.
I have focused on me. I am not lonely or angry. I get sad sometimes, but mostly I feel wrong. A piece of me is missing. I feel great but not perfect.
Letter is probably a bad idea, but it is also a lie. I don't want to do that, but I wasted many years by letting life lead me.
If you are learning and growing you are not wasting your time. If you are only doing those things to save your marriage then I do feel there are better ways to spend your time.
So you don't know what to today, right? Nothing wrong with that. Today is just ONE day. Nothing has to be decided or established today. Tomorrow is a different day.
Since you don't know what to do today, do nothing. Your plan was to go dark anyhow so today is a good day to start.
So it is all about hope. I will not send the letter. I just need to continue to keep my time full and move on. At what point do you try to reestablish a connection? Only when they come to you?
