Deployed Soldier/Father needs your help

[SoldierDad]

LT,
I have read that before, and it always gives me a chuckle!!! Thanks.

She sends me those things to hurt me. She knows what buttons to push to get at me, and she is good at it.

She IS acting like a child, has been for months. Sneaking around, acting/telling people that she is already divorced etc.

I just have to get past the worrying about what she is doing/who with/where/etc. If I can get past this-I think I can begin to heal somewhat.

[MichelleLT]

Do whatever it takes to put those thoughts out of your head. Go work out, snap a rubber band, visualize a stop sign, say stop in your head. Whatever works for you.

You will heal.

It will take time.

Be patient with yourself. It's a process, and it sucks big time.

[SoldierDad]

LT,
Are you still hurting over your XH? I don't want to open up any old wounds, but what were some of the things you did/used to help you navigate these rough waters?

I sometimes feel sorry for myself, and BLAME myself for what has happened, and I know that it isn't my fault, but I do.

[Virtually_Handsome]

SD, she can hurt you because you let her. You can take that control away from her... it's in you!

[SoldierDad]

VH,
and I KNOW this. I empower her when she KNOWS that she can hurt me with her words and actions. The truly hard part is taking that power AWAY from her and empowering myself-and NOT LET it hurt me. Well, show outwardly that it doesn't hurt me-acting!!!

I just gotta get busy with that, and not show the emotional side of me.

[Gnosis]

SD, if you don't want her to hurt you with texts and voicemails... its easy... change your number and don't let her know the new one.

Emails are also easy... flag her as a spammer and get all her messages sent to the trash.

You initiate all calls regarding the kids from now on.

Just my 2 angry cents....

[SoldierDad]

Gnosis,
I agree, however, my W is so stupid, she send me e-mails and texts with the stuff she is doing-like names of the guys, what they drive etc. I am creating a file for my L with all the stuff she has volunteered to me-like changing the locks on the house-she just volunteered it to me!!!!

I find it hard to divert them as they are valuable to my case.

Oh, and I am angry too!!!

[MichelleLT]

Divert them straight to your L.

And then don't dwell on it.

Anger is natural. So is hurt.

Start with acting-as-if, you are already doing a good job of that. The detachment will follow.

I had to distract myself. Dinner with friends, going for a walk (usually didn't work if I was alone though, too much thinking time), going running, hitting the gym, watching non-romantic comedies, taking out my frustration by rearranging furniture or cleaning. If I didn't, I spent far too much time thinking about what was going on, which inevitably resulted in crying, especially the first few months.

I posted here A LOT. I checked this place obsessively at work, at home, on weekends. I was constantly seeking support and feedback. This place was such a blessing, cuz I got it.

I talked to a few of my real life friends. I met a woman who lived 5 miles from me on these boards and we became pretty good friends (she R with her H, it definitely can be done).

Now, I rarely log in here evenings and weekends. There are still parts of it that are surreal. I can't quite believe he actually did/said some of the things that he did. But it's been 2 1/2 yrs since the bomb. It took me a good six months to really start feeling normal again.

[soleil]

SD,

Save all her texts and emails. Do NOT delete them but don't respond. She thinks or wants you to write back some scathing comments so she can have the "upper hand" so to speak, so she can know it is getting to you and you're thinking about her, and depending on how vindictive she is, she's doing it so that you WILL write back and she can have something to take to her attorney. Honesty, it sounds like she's digging herself into a hole, willingly and quickly. Her problem, not yours.

The lesson here is to not write back. At all. You initiate contact with her and the rest is history.

[Gnosis]

I agree, however, my W is so stupid, she send me e-mails and texts with the stuff she is doing-like names of the guys, what they drive etc. I am creating a file for my L with all the stuff she has volunteered to me-like changing the locks on the house-she just volunteered it to me!!!!

I'm TRULY sorry bro. That shirt hurts like _______ . Yeah, it's necessary intel.

I find it hard to divert them as they are valuable to my case.

I hear you bro. Look into your email client and see if it's possible to setup a rule and sent them to a different folder for now. You don't need to look at that crap for now. The L can wait and sending each email as it comes in racks up your legal fees.

I feel your pain man. I'm not going to go down the path of excusing her behavior. And I'm sorry about S15.

All I can add is keep up the strength and honor bro. Look after yourself so you can get back to your kids.

Disclaimer: I hope there are no DB cops out here... because if I'd be booked under a PUIAP. (Posting under the influence and pain)