I'm glad you shared a specific incident. That makes it easier to understand the dynamics in your marriage.
That evening prior to leaving she spent about two hours constantly nagging me to be ready. . . . I kept my cool, bit my tongue and let it be. I'm used to it afterall.
Is that what you've always done or at some point in the past tell her you are feeling nagged and please knock it off?
After two hours of nagging topped off with a tongue-lashing(for being less than a handul of minutes late) we finally get in the car. Note, I was cool and didn't let this bother me. This behavior is par for the course, expected and flies by without registering.
Are you sure it didn't register? When you characterize it as a tongue-lashing, it sounds like it did register.
As we drive off Surprise #1 is sprung: SIL is joining us. My W knows that I dislike SIL with a passion.
Very uncool thing for her to do.
I hold my tongue. We then have to wait in the street for ten minutes until SIL emerges and gets into the car. No excuse made, no reprimand given.
Different standard for SIL eh?
I did the only thing I could do. Sat on the pavement to wait until the show ended. I spent the time smoking and praying (yeah, contradictory... I know)
Not really. Both of those things calm me down. I'll have to try smoking while praying.
They were waiting for me inside the church and had kept a seat for me. A thing to note here is that the church is one of those modern ones that seats over a thousand people... so WAS logic defines that I should have gone in and waded through a thousand or so people to find them.
Or possibly they were in there early enough that there weren't that many people yet so if you had been able to get in, you might have seen them. Also, even in a crowded auditorium, they may well have been able to spot you walking in the aisle. I don't think that part was completely illogical.
She was blabbing excuses and getting backup from SIL who apparently did me the great service or standing up and looking for me inside.
The thing that really stands out to me is that you got excuses rather than apologies, i.e. "I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking that maybe . . . [what could be going on out there]"
If I had been anyone else, a friend, even a casual aquantance, she would not have sat comfortably in a chair. She would have walked around until she found that person and then would lead them to the seats.
I agree. A mix-up of this sort can happen sometimes despite the best intentions of everyone. Yet, I cannot imagine just sitting there as the show begins when I hadn't yet connected with my spouse, or any member of my party. The only courteous thing to do was go looking for you.
Some will call it abuse or find a fancy psycho-babblic term for it. I call it indifference.
