38 years & I need physical connection with my wife

[Young at Heart]

Thank you again for explaining the "it will take a long time before things are healed."

Your explaination about my LD wife needing to get through phases 1 & 2 before she can really commit to and participate in phase 4 makes scense to me. While it doesn't make me happy, it makes sense and is something that I need to come to grips with and believe deep inside myself.

Your caution that steps 1 & 2 also takes time is also sobering. While I feel I have started on steps 1 & 2 and have noticable achievements in both, you are right that achieving them is not the same as starting them and having some initial success, they need to be lasting changes in who I am and how I act.

Again the marathon rather than the sprint. Thank you for the coaching.

I am hearing what you and others have said and I am trying to change my behaviors and beliefs. I have found this forum to be quite a resource of support, new ideas and coaching from people who have been there and done that. Several of the books that have really changed my view on things were suggested by others in this forum. The people here have also given me hope and cautioned me about having too short a time-line in regards to my expectations.

I also have heard the advice to not push so hard as it will backfire. I know that it took years for the problems to build and it took months of no sex before my wife recognized that there was a problem that needs to be addressed by us. I am working to learn to accept that it will take months and months for the problems to be reversed. My original expectation on trying to have myself in a happy sexual relationship within 12 to 18 months of my stopping having sex with my wife were (as I now understand) very optimistic. I now understand that it will take longer to get to that goal.