Well, here's what I'm getting tho and is further clarified by your 'list'.
Somewhere along the line in friendships, family, and especially marriages, we all take everything cumulatively an ddon't even realise it. Isolated events become no longer that, but a piece of one gigantic cross-work of amassed dislikes of the other person involved.
This has to obviously be at least one fault your W accuses you of, and seeing your reaction to this isolated event, she IS validated.
We're all human, and we all fall into that pattern. Gotta get yourself out of it (there's a bonus when you seperate it all too). This was a uneccessary event, only because it hit on a repetitve nerving it shouldn't have. I'd hate to see you throw in the towel over this, it's not right.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
I'm tired of trying to understand. I'm tired of validating. I'm tired of biting my tongue and being the reasonable one. I'm tired of the endless nagging for the most insignificant little things. I'm tired of being the villain. I'm tired of my SIL poisoning the well. I'm tired of the ridiculous double standards. I'm tired of being the villain. I'm tired of bowing down to her. I'm tired of.... many more things than I have the patience to write out here.
Its time to cut loose. Give her what she wants and hope she is happy. I know I will be.
(((( Gno ))))
I hope this vacation you're on does you some good and you're able to enjoy it.
Well, here's what I'm getting tho and is further clarified by your 'list'. Somewhere along the line in friendships, family, and especially marriages, we all take everything cumulatively an ddon't even realise it. Isolated events become no longer that, but a piece of one gigantic cross-work of amassed dislikes of the other person involved.
Dylan, you're spot on in your analysis of what I'm doing and what is happening with me.
I am INTENTIONALLY scouring my mind to build up my "laundry list." I'm poking every crevice of my mind to get to it. Dragging through thousands of memories and looking for ALL the bad. I'm actively doing this to BUILD resentment. We program our conscious minds to do what he want.
Originally Posted By: dday101798
We're all human, and we all fall into that pattern. Gotta get yourself out of it (there's a bonus when you seperate it all too). This was a uneccessary event, only because it hit on a repetitve nerving it shouldn't have. I'd hate to see you throw in the towel over this, it's not right.
I hear you bro. I know you're right and I'm being hardheaded and stubborn. I KNOW I can turn this around, unfortunately I don't WANT TO anymore.
I know I'm a disappointment to all here. I've been very hesitatant to update my sitch the last few days because at this moment I'm actively ANTI-DB'ing.
Last edited by Gnosis; 12/23/0906:22 PM. Reason: emphasis and spelling
I KNOW I can turn this around, unfortunately I don't WANT TO anymore.
It takes TWO people to make it work, not just one. I know DBing says for one person to work on themselves but it actually takes both to come to an amicable solution for the problems in the long-run. So if either of you isn't willing to put in the work for the M, then you have a huuuge uphill battle. And then the times comes when you say, Keep at it or move on? Sounds like you reached the end. Not saying that is good or bad but you have to do what is best for you.
I know I'm a disappointment to all here. I've been very hesitatant to update my sitch the last few days because at this moment I'm actively ANTI-DB'ing.
Disappointed? No. Understand? Yes. Most of us will reach that point of no return eventually. For some it just comes around faster than for others. And for those who never reach it, their WAS must have woke up in time.
As long as you are consciously aware of the results your actions will lead to; it is your decision to make. And yours alone.
You have to do what is right for you. It is not about pleasing us or anyone else.
Everyone who posted to your most recent update was just trying to point things out that you may have missed. Nothing more and nothing less.
Enjoy the sunshine.
Me & H: 33 yrs S: 4 & 6 D: 2 M: 9 yrs ILYBNILWY: 8/09 SEPARATED: 9/09 The Beginning
It takes TWO people to make it work, not just one. I know DBing says for one person to work on themselves but it actually takes both to come to an amicable solution for the problems in the long-run.
I always took that to mean it only takes one person to start the process of improving the relationship.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
I know I'm a disappointment to all here. I've been very hesitatant to update my sitch the last few days because at this moment I'm actively ANTI-DB'ing.
You are no disappointment, my friend. I'd suggest you look to yourself though, and what you truly want, rather than gather anger and resentment in an effort to WAW. I think you are already looking at yourself, but look closely at the way in which you are.
Speaking as an LBS who turned into WAW, it was not anger and resentment that made me do so, it was knowing what would be best for me, and what I needed to begin to work on myself in earnest.
It was when I took away the pressure on myself to make things work, the anger for why it wasn't, and the hurt I perceived from what my STBX was doing, that I got the clarity I needed to move to where I am now.
I hope for the best for you, and some clarity to do what you need.
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
