Perhaps it's time I take a break from all of this.
I am not really understanding where all this vehemence is coming from -- or why the full lumber yard of 2x4's are being leveled at my head when a "word to the wise" would have been enough.
It is especially confusing when I look at what real harm is going on with my S's and that never elicits such a response. I am asking myself if these are really just knee-jerk responses because so many of you are COD's (children of divorce). Could you be projecting your own particular hurts on me and my children? Am I suddenly the whipping boy for disgruntled COD's? I don't understand this sore lack of even-handedness. Why the pile-on even from folks who rarely if ever comment on anything else in my life, let alone offer words of support and encouragement? Seriously, I'd like to know.
Or are my own priorities and perspectives out of whack? Is there something more harmful in my attempt to find out from my S about how his other parent is treating him than not to? You all say that if there is no real harm being done to my S's then I should butt out, right? Well, how would I ever know if something harmful is happening to my children if I don't inquire? I am not interrogating my kids or any sort, but practicing as much discretion as I can without being totally in the dark about their condition. But are you seriously going to tell me that children will voluntarily offer up the information, even in the best of parental relationships? Can you guarantee that? And some of you have stridently told me to curtail allowing my kids to even broach such subjects as well, so even there I would be cutting myself out of even being a haven for my S's. You really think that is sound parenting?
Again, maybe I don't have my head on straight, because I am not following the set of priorities that I see being outlined here. Too many contradictions. And too many emotions.
I think I need a bit more than anecdotal experience to fully accept your arguments. Someone really needs to make a much better case, because I am now starting to doubt the very suppositions (including those in Kerry's long hijack) upon which you're telling me I have erred, where I might have accepted your points without question before.
But again, maybe it's time I sit out of this for a while, because it's becoming antiproductive.
