Thanks for the input. My W filed for divorce about 5 months ago and it has been a weird experience. She submitted some of the pre-liminary paperwork to my lawyer. My lawyer and I did as much as we could but her lawyer was drafting up the parenting plan and seperation agreement so we went into a waiting mode. For about two months nothing happened and then I get a call from my lawyer that her lawyer dumped her becuase she was failing to get back with them on certain things. So now she is attempting to do everything on her own via State paperwork that is avaialbe online. To be honest I am putting some pressure on her to wrap things up so I can move forward.
I have not talked about the OM for months but when I heard about the holiday situation I was really caught off guard and my emotions got the best of me. In any case, at least I now know how serious things have become between them, which in a way will help me move on. She has not introduced the OM to the kids yet, but I suspect that will happen soon. That will be my next hurdle to overcome.
Yes, there always seem to be hurdles. Interesting that she is doing the D work on her own. I'd think maybe OM would help her with the L, but who knows.
My W said she'd be filing soon back in October, then asked me for a list of attorneys who do collaborative D in November and hasn't mentioned D since. Now, she's so broke -- even with the overgenerous support I give her -- that she had to borrow $50 from co-worker to buy groceries last week.
You didn't post for two months. Did things not change at all in any direction?
How are kids handling the holidays so far?
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
I'm going to be extremely busy for the next four days -- except for Christmas morning. Kids are doing well, but I'm having problems getting W out of my head.
I keep thinking she has to be thinking of me a little in all of this.
A friend of mine told me she probably isn't.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
I am sure she is thinking of you...the hollidays are about traditions and those usually bring back fond memories. Personally, I'm trying to suck-it up and make everything special for the kids (the crown should help).
Well, made it through Christmas. I was good most of Christmas day and was really enjoing myself until the evening. Then everything kind of hit and I started thinking to much. A week or so prior to Christmas I had told the W the kids would be available to see her on Christmas day if she wanted. She told me she would think about it but that she did not want to make any concrete plans. In any case, I did not pursue the issue. She called that day but that was it. I do not know how she does it.
For a couple of months I did not post here becuase I was in a pretty good place. Now I feel like I have not gained any ground and that bums me out. The W has moved on and started a new life. I am trying to do the same but it has been hard.
I have decided to limit my time with her as much as possible. I am not initiating any conversation and I am trying to make the kid exchange as brief as possible. My intent is to be friendly but not friends. Anthing else would be to hard a this point in time.
There have been no signs of remorse or mixed feelings so at this point in time BD is probably a waste of time.
A week or so prior to Christmas I had told the W the kids would be available to see her on Christmas day if she wanted. She told me she would think about it but that she did not want to make any concrete plans. In any case, I did not pursue the issue. She called that day but that was it. I do not know how she does it.
So did she come over our did she even see the kids? I have a similar sitch and will post new thread here today but have been reading yours and others sitch's this forum. How old are your kids? How did they feel about Christmas Day?
I am sorry you are having a rough time, the Holidays do suck for us LBS's. Hang in there.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
No she did not come over for Christmas day. However, her tradition this time of year is to open presents on Christmas Eve so she had the kids then. Still, our tradtion has been Christmas day so I felt her actions were wrong.
The kids are 6 and 8 and they have been incredible during all of this. They are loved by a lot of people so they still seem chipper and happy.
I spend more time with the kids than she so when the OM comes into play I suspect this will impact them. The OM factor and the kids is causing great conflict right now. I want it to happen to get it over with so I can start dealing with it. On the other hand I do not want him coming near my kids. I am sure he is a nice guy but what he represents is disgusitng. When it does happen my only plan is to make sure he is not anywhere around when I am around.
Are your kids aware that Mom and Dad are divorcing and what that means? Do they know that Mom is "dating" another man and they have not met him yet? What do you know about him? Has he been married before? Kids, Job etc. The reason I ask is that your wife is still in the "in love" phase of this R with OM and when there are some external pressures put on the R, it will more than likely will crumble. It is easy to say but hard to do, as I well know, but GAL and be the strong confident MAN she met so many years ago and when that R falls apart she will come running back to you. From one father to another, I admire you for being the "rock" your kids can rely on, make sure YOU are the constant in their lives right now.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
I"m so thankful for these boards......so nice to know that there are others feeling and going through the same thing. Wish none of us had to but such is reality. It's unreal how much people can relate.
