Looking for Advice

[gucci loafer]

The whole key here is whether the OM was told that you will tell his wife if they don't end this affair. That is your ace in the hole here. If he knows what you told your wife then this should send HIM packing and HE will end the contact with your wife.

Now for your wife. You need to observe her actions and attitudes. Her anger at you right now does seem to show that they are not in contact. What you need to be aware of is that she may start to consider moving out. The reason for this is that she would be thinking that if she moves out, then she can tell the OM that you are out of the picture. She would then use that as her hope that he will pick back up where they left off. If she starts to say things to you that implies she thinks she should move out or you move out, then you should be aware that she is wearing down on the no contact and thinks that would solve the problem and that she could get him to start up contact with her again. She would be able to tell him that she has left you and not to worry about you anymore. Watch out for this from her. It would be a sign that she wants to contact him.

Be observant of her ACTIONS and attitude. At this point her anger shows that HE probably wants to cut off contact and she has to abide by what he wants. He NEEDS to be scared that you WILL tell his wife. Most men will run for the hills if they are married and think their wife will find out about an affair.

Your wife probably isn't worried about you right now, but is worried about HIM and doesn't want his wife to find out because of her concern for HIM. She will more than likely try another tactic at some point. Moving out would be one she may consider.

[Wonderful!]

GW,
I have read your thread. You and I are in the same place. We exposed the A, established boundries, hoping we busted it but understand our limitations and are both taking a lot of crap from our Ws.

Last night, I asked God for the humility to focus on myself and release my negative emotions. Right now, this is the best thing we can do. It is hard. I find myself looping back to thoughts of how I was wronged and how I feel my wife should be more remorseful. Maybe you do to. But that does no good. We must move past our own negativity to achieve a more positive outlook to be in a position to restore ourselves and possibly our marriages.

We can do this.

[Sleepy]

GW,

I read your entire thread and learned a lot from it. We are both in the exact same situation. I see Wonderful is here too.... another person who shares our pain.

Yeah, Facebook is evil. That's how my situation got started. I picked up on my wife's change with the new cougar wardrobe too. I confided in other women for advice and support, some where both of our friends. That really pissed her off when she found out.

Keep up the positive changes in yourself and don't be to clingy or go overboard. Be a good Dad. She will take notice. The counter-intuitive approach works. Just make sure that the A is over.

Check out my thread. Some great books were recommended to me. You should read those.

I will check back and follow your sitch.. Sorry you are here too.

[gutwrenching]

Update - Facebook.
My W told me that I was free to look at her computer/phone. This morning, she leaves the computer on, open, out in the open, and she takes her shower. So I looked.
Last night before she went to sleep, she looked at the OM's pics posted on facebook. Ok, no surprise, not anything to fret over, she has plenty of them on her laptop anyway.
I also went ahead and opened Facebook thru her account and I smell sneakiness on OM's part.
He posts that he is changing his Facebook game from movie quotes to love song quotes and starts posting Lionel Richie love song quotes. Guess what, W goes to youtube last night to listen to those songs he posts quotes from.
Now the dilema. Do I add no facebook as a boundary? They aren't really communicating and right now that is a great source of info for me. She is also not wise enough to realize how much I can see of her internet activity and that would end if I explain the new boundary and why.

So what were the quotes posted to all: From the top of my world to the bottom of my heart; Just the way that you are, you're the one my shining star; Everything that you do, everything that you might say; You're the love of my life...............
AND
Your lipstick stains on the front lobe of my left side brains; I knew I wouldnt forget you and so I went and let, You blow my mind; Your sweet moving, The smell of you in every single dream I dream; I knew when we collided youre the one I have decided, Who's one of my kind.
AND
"Why are you so far away?" she said; "Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you, that I'm in love with you."

[gutwrenching]

Tridoc and Wonderful...I will read your threads tonight
Thanks for the encouragement!

She notices the good Dad. She's noticed it for about 6 weeks now. It still pisses her off.

[soleil]

IMO, you need to do something about the FB. I'm not very good at boundaries though so someone else would be better with that.

She's still looking him up = she still has him on her brain.

[Lotus]

ugh! Of course if it's on FB, it could be for more than one woman.

[gutwrenching]

ugh! Of course if it's on FB, it could be for more than one woman.

I didn't even think of that but it could be. This guy is a player I think...I even made the mistake of telling W that at one point. Very outgoing, very popular, obviously very high on himself, has something like 500 friends on facebook, etc. You never know. Could be for his wife too, who knows.

[soleil]

I always think that people with 500 "friends" are over-compensating for something. Haha.

[gutwrenching]

Curious to hear what Greek and/or Sandi think about the facebook stuff