I can't see any changes that your W has made. What good would it do to allow her to come home to you if nothing has changed? The only change I see in the stitch now and when you first came on board.....is your personal changes. That is good, but "she" hasn't done anything that I can see.
I think she still tries to control you by using sex. You may have seen it as fun, exciting, or whatever........but she was using it as a control hold on you. She knows that that has been your weak area....her body.
When you approached her about coming out of limbo and trying to have a R together (instead of just wild monkey sex), she didn't seem to have a problem turning you down. But as soon as you let her know you would be moving on......then that was her clue to play her game--but when she didn't get her way...she threw her usual fit (as I recall). Isn't that what she has always done when she didn't get her way?
So now she sees you as unavailable and she is getting overly obsessed with pursuing you. You know what you would tell another poster here on the board. You have good advice, Rob, so turn it around and use it on yourself.
I think she has had sex with somebody close to you. I think it would be a turn-on (to her) to accomplish that. It's not only a power thing for her, but it was somebody that should have been hands-off to her. Thus.....added excitement and challenge. (Kind of like you are to her, at the moment.)
She sees the changes you've made in yourself and she knows that if she tells you everything....it will be a dealbreaker for you.
You have this thing called self-respect.....and she knows that, now. So....unless you see that she is making changes in herself, why would you think she would even stop at having A's with OM if the two of you got back together? I think it is needs to go futher than her giving you details.
Sandi you're right, she does try to control me with the sex, honestly I was selfish and the sex was great so I can blame myself for a year and half of this kind of activity, I knew it was going on but I still allowed it to happen just because I enjoyed the sex so much
But that's also why I stopped and cut it off and that's what made her angry so I know that I cut off her ability to control me, without the sex, she had no other way to control me.
I don't see the changes, none of the changes she said she is in the process of making, she mentioned she's been seeing a counsellor for the past few months and I told her it was good to hear that and I hoped it worked out well for her, I didn't offer her any more than that.
... And there will be no sex, I won't let her "tag" me again. I'm in control, I know that now and I've held my ground for 2+ months now so I'm confident about rejecting her advances, she tried again last night to start something with a kiss while she was over "talking" and I pushed her away and told her "no thanks, I'm not falling for that anymore", it was her standard text book operating procedure, try to get me hard, worked up, have sex and resume her position in the driver's seat and I stopped it before anything happened and she got angry, true colors revealed yet again.
