DanceQueen, thanks for your answer. The interesting thing is that my wife likes a back massage, which I have given her many times. And a few times, when we were relaxed and had extra time, I let my hands playfully massage toward a "private area". In every case, without exception, she reacted sharply, as if I had tried something dirty or forbidden. Another case of the golden rule not working because I would find it delicious to be given a massage by her and have her hands slowly wander to more intimate areas. In my case, there would never be a time I would NOT want it. In her case, she NEVER wanted it when I tried it.
I haven't been very successful in discussing the sexual abuse effect with my wife. When I suggest that her lack of wanting to be touched in intimate places might be related to the abuse, she insists it's only a personal preference. With that kind of reaction it's hard to convince her that she needs further therapy for the abuse.
