Until now I've avoided demonizing my W. I've made excuses for her and tried to justify her behavior and will probably continue to do this below. This recent event was one of the defining moments that broke my resolve to work this out:
Last week Mrs Gno invited me to go to a Christmas play being held at a large church. The entrance fee consisted of taking foodstuff to feed orphans and homeless kids. I readily accepted. This was the first time in a very long time that she has asked me to accompany her to any kind of event. That afternoon she went to the supermarket, purchased the items and dropped them off at the church to collect the tickets.
That evening prior to leaving she spent about two hours constantly nagging me to be ready. One thing to bear in mind here is that I'm a male, I'm usually ready within 30 minutes, unlike the two hours (no kidding) Mrs Gno requires. Bear in mind that she's a very a Swiss/clockwork oriented person who expects everything to be executed within a strict timeline (which does not apply to her...) I kept my cool, bit my tongue and let it be. I'm used to it afterall.
After two hours of nagging topped off with a tongue-lashing (for being less than a handul of minutes late) we finally get in the car. Note, I was cool and didn't let this bother me. This behavior is par for the course, expected and flies by without registering. As we drive off Surprise #1 is sprung: SIL is joining us. My W knows that I dislike SIL with a passion. I hold my tongue. We then have to wait in the street for ten minutes until SIL emerges and gets into the car. No excuse made, no reprimand given. I hold my tongue. Par for the course. We set off. I swap formalities and engage casual conversation. When we get near the church W slaps her forehead and realizes she left the tickets at home. SIL suggest we go ahead because surely they will remember W and let us in. (She's a master at using her charms to get herway) My opinion is to return home (which is close) and get the tickets. Idea rejected. Okaaaaay.... bite tongue, temperature rising.
Due to SIL's delay we are late and there is no parking in the church grounds. SIL is despatched to take care of the ticket issue while we look for parking. We park. I'm slightly agitated at this point and need to calm down so I tell W, "I need a smoke. Go ahead, get the tickets and I'll catch up with you at the entrance." No smoking allowed on the church grounds. It is 7:30pm and the play starts at 8pm, so, plenty of time.
After my cigarette and much calmer I head off to find them. I walk calmly up and down the queue at the entrance looking for them. I can't find them. So I assume that SIL is probably using her charm still. I join the end of the queue hold a place. The queue moves forward until I need to step out of it and let other people pass. I wait. No sign of them. I can't call her because I don't have a cellphone. I wait... and wait... until 8:30pm. I can hear the play (a musical) has started. The queue is empty and I'm standing around like a fool. I leave and go to where the car is parked, maybe they had to go home and get the tickets afterall. No dice. The car is still there.
My blood is boiling at this point. I kick myself for giving W the keys to the apartment because now I'm trapped - I can't go in because I don't have tickets, I don't have any cash with me so I can't buy tickets. I can't go home because I don't have the keys. So I did the only thing I could do. Sat on the pavement to wait until the show ended. I spent the time smoking and praying (yeah, contradictory... I know) When the show ended I waited. I made a mental note to be calm. When I saw them I asked W, "Did you enjoy the show?" Affirmative. I replied, "Good. I'm glad you did," and I meant it. She asked, "Where were you sitting?" I replied, "Right here." And I pointed towards the pavement.
She was shocked and asked me why I hadn't gone straight into the church. Apparently when they went in through the back entrance and before a ticket collectors had "setup shop." They were waiting for me inside the church and had kept a seat for me. A thing to note here is that the church is one of those modern ones that seats over a thousand people... so WAS logic defines that I should have gone in and waded through a thousand or so people to find them. She was blabbing excuses and getting backup from SIL who apparently did me the great service or standing up and looking for me inside. Trying to maintain my patience I told W, "Don't worry about it. I was were I was supposed to be. Drop the subject." We're in the car by now and she refuses to drop it.
She continues to make excuses and SIL is babbling on backing her up. I didn't hear much but do recall politely asking them to change the subject a few times. They didn't and I lost it. I barked loudly, "Shut up. Just shut the F up." They did. One thing to note, using "Shut up" is very offensive to my W, I know this and have never said it to her in front of others. There was a temporary silence before she tried to open up again. I lost it and with the utmost contempt in my voice I asked her, "IS THIS THE WAY YOU TREAT YOUR F'G HUSBAND?" That got the message through and she left me alone.
I don't think of my W as vindictive and don't think this was a malicious plot. It happened, but the one thing that hurts is that this is not the W I know. If I had been anyone else, a friend, even a casual aquantance, she would not have sat comfortably in a chair. She would have walked around until she found that person and then would lead them to the seats. That night I was treated worse than a dog. For that I blame the bane of my M, my SIL, the serpent in the garden of Eden.
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Please don't read the above as an attempt to invoke sympathy. Some will call it abuse or find a fancy psycho-babblic term for it. I call it indifference. I wrote the above to explain why I've cut the rope.
