New to the Divorce Situation

[DDogs]

After a really craptasitic day, I had a mini revelation just now.. I posted this on the Divorce Diet Thread...

I've been getting compliments at minimum every other day about how much weight I've lost, how good I look and how fit I am, Mostly from the the guys I work with (male dominant job). It's a great mood lifter. I actually have heard so many comments now that I am getting accustomed to it!

The kicker was when the extremely gorgeous lady (I'm extremely attracted to) that works in my office building came up to me in the hall one day during an office B-day party, initiated conversation and kept touching my arm several times...! She knows I am separated and W wants a D.

(I've noticed other women at work have begun noticing and commenting also)

She asked me what my plans were for New Years,, I told her that I had no specific plans yet and she invited me (and to bring some friends) to a neighborhood bar to meet with her and her girlfriends!

This opens a whole new angle on my sitch,,, My goal is to reconcile with my W, Don't know if I should include start dating into my GAL... This is very tempting and I do enjoy talking with this lady... Don't know what I should do... My thoughts seem to keep drifting back to W..

I just realized that women other than my W are responding to some of my changes..

[DDogs]

UPDATE:

Went to pick up kids on Sat am , and told W car insurance is now hers as of 1/1, also after 3 requests to change our joint cell phone acct, I told her next week I'm closing it and she needs to get her own..

Could tell W not pleased.. (Break out the 2x4's)

Opinions: To keep some mystery going, give the impression that I was going out/possibly a date ..I Made one change with the weekend plans for the kids, originally I was going to have them Sat to Sun.

Now, I told her I had plans for Sat eve, I would bring the kids back Sat nite and then come get them Sunday, keep them and take them to work with me on Monday (work allows kids).

I brought the kids and pizza back after a full day at about 6:30, I stayed and ate dinner with them, W was busy doing laundry. I made it a point to keep checking my watch and W noticed. We spoke and finalized the info on insurance and phones.

I ask about finalizing plans for the Xmas holiday W says, "Well since I have new bills, I won't be traveling back to the parents for xmas" (Awwww, I could tell she was not happy)

I did not bite on her comment and did not reply.. (a 180 for me)

I initiated leaving, I looked at my watch stood up and told W I had to go, but would be back in the AM for the kids...W then interrupts and asks if I was still going away over the holidays. I replied that now with the new info that she was not going, I could finalize mine and will get back to her mid week.

Felt so good, empowering for me to be operating on my schedule. I just find it hard to sustain that good feeling....

Mornings/just waking up are still very sad for me and I find myself thinking about my M..


Bought Books:
-Art of Seduction,
-Hold on to your Nuts,
-Why Mars and Venus collide

[DDogs]

Sandi, Goldy, Robx, Coach, Greek....

I'm very confused, Please.. I would respectfully like some OPINIONS, especially from the WAWs out there, but anyones comments are welcome, please!!

I went to pick up my kids from the W. I was cool, calm, confident, in control, smiling and in great spirits. The kids weren't ready yet so I sat on the couch with the W with the dog between us. After about 10 min W stretches her legs out and rests them on my outstretched legs... wtf.

This goes on for about 5 min. W curls back to her side and then 10 min later places them again... I smiled DIDN"T SAY A WORD (180 for me)and just enjoyed the moment while I waited for the kids.

This is from the same W that kisses me on the cheek whenever whenever we part company....

[DDogs]

These mixed signals are confusing and while they are welcomem, in a way I feel aggravated by them.. I mean wtf!, First you're telling me that ILYBINILWY, I want a divorce, I'm not attracted to you.. and W does these behaviors?

Talk about some one who is confused about what they want. Like somebody posted to me earlier, "she's confused and not sure what she wants to do.."

I'm continuing DB, my 180's will do so and try and be patient .. anyone with specific suggestions on any actions or recommendations...

Not trying to conquer Rome in a day, I guess I'm just uncertain..

[Greek]

These mixed signals are confusing and while they are welcomem, in a way I feel aggravated by them.. I mean wtf!, First you're telling me that ILYBINILWY, I want a divorce, I'm not attracted to you.. and W does these behaviors?

Talk about some one who is confused about what they want. Like somebody posted to me earlier, "she's confused and not sure what she wants to do.."

I'm continuing DB, my 180's will do so and try and be patient .. anyone with specific suggestions on any actions or recommendations...

Not trying to conquer Rome in a day, I guess I'm just uncertain..

I can't know what she intends with this affection. My guess is that she wants to take your temp...are you really resolved and firm on your boundaries or can a little leg rubbin' steer you off track? And she probably wants to know if you are still 'hers'.

You are not so easily won. You want the real deal, the real changes, the real work. When she comes to you and says EAs are over, I want to work on the M in these tangible ways...then you have a deal. Leg rubbin...not so much. She's trying to get something for nothing. You're not discount material.

Greek

[Coach]

I went to pick up my kids from the W. I was cool, calm, confident, in control, smiling and in great spirits. The kids weren't ready yet so I sat on the couch with the W with the dog between us. After about 10 min W stretches her legs out and rests them on my outstretched legs... wtf.

This goes on for about 5 min. W curls back to her side and then 10 min later places them again... I smiled DIDN"T SAY A WORD (180 for me)and just enjoyed the moment while I waited for the kids.

She's testing your boundary - will he share me? Will he let me "cake-eat"? Is he going to follow thru on his word? This is how cats treat others that they deem are below them.

I know how good it must have felt. Next time tell her, "Look I don't want to confuse you with any affection." Then get up and move to another seat. Make her wonder WTF and respect your resolve.

[Greek]

Next time tell her, "Look I don't want to confuse you with any affection." Then get up and move to another seat. Make her wonder WTF and respect your resolve.

Yep. That's the ticket.
Greek

[DDogs]

GREEK: You are not so easily won. You want the real deal, the real changes, the real work. When she comes to you and says EAs are over, I want to work on the M in these tangible ways...then you have a deal. Leg rubbin...not so much. She's trying to get something for nothing. You're not discount material.

I am absolutely not discount amterial...thanks for the encouragement, It really means a lot to me and makes me feel emotionally stronger when I feel the support in my corner..!

COACH:
I know how good it must have felt. Next time tell her, "Look I don't want to confuse you with any affection." Then get up and move to another seat. Make her wonder WTF and respect your resolve.

Excellent advise, Coach,, again.. I am trying to think of appropriate responses, but when in the moment, it is difficult for me..

[DDogs]

Today W and I have another MC session... It seems that they have become stagnant for the past few sessions,,,

My Question.. how does one handle DB in MC?

Would it be helpful if I brought up R issues , or go DB and just relate to what I am doing to improve myself?

I don't want to ruin DB techniques but want a productive session...

I'm thinking maybe taking a bit of time off from the MC, seeing as we seem to be at an impass,, W states she wants D, I want to work on the R... Thoughts, help please

[motherof3]

I don't know your full sitch, but IMO, I would hold off on any more MC sessions. It seems that you are both there for two different reasons. You want to work on the R, but at this point she doesn't. Until you are both going to MC for the same reason, there doesn't really seem to be a point in going. Don't you think?

Mo3