H has gone quiet. He tried to contact me on Monday by phone twice to dicuss planning. I asked him via text to email me as it was difficult to talk at that time.
He didn't. Now he has gone quiet.
The children desperately want to see him over christmas but my intuition is he can't manage it and will recommunicate after the festive season.
Christmas hightens all the emotions and both the children and myself greive for the man we lost.
Today I am having a facial massage and hair cut to cheer myself up and prepare for the big day!
Libby, Keep up the detachment and doing good for yourself and the kids! Enjoy the facial and hope the haircut is wonderful!!
M44 H46 T21 Married 16y D14 D12 Bomb 12/08(EA), (PA/Separation)1/09 to 5/09 Home/MC 5/09 to 12/09 Leaves 12/09 Files for Divorce Divorce final 6/30/10.
H has spoken to D21. He is not looking forward to the festive season without us. He has decided to visit christmas morning and then go back to OW and her sister for lunch. Not looking forward to that as we are going to my parents for ours. D21 asked him how OW was and he said 'alright' but sounded very down and miserable. Maybe the tarnish is coming off her now, particularly as she is changing her job for less pay. Looks like H will need more money from his business to support her. How sad that he is looking for happinesss and running from old age when she is making him unhappy and broke and he now looks older than his years.
First he was so quiet with no communication and disappeared for 3 weeks not even seeing the children now I think he is cycling towards home like mad!
He raised his head again on Monday when out of the blue he rang me about S16 christmas present. He offered to go and fetch D21 from Uni but I declined nicely and said we had it all arranged. He sounded a little disappointed.I also told him we had a busy week and that I had booked a nice family day out on Christmas Eve with tea in a restaurant afterwards. He was not invited just me and the children. He went quiet when I told him this.
Yesterday he texted me 5 times about safe trip to Uni, mind the ice and I'll come tomorrow (today) to give the cars the once over. Interestingly on his last mobile phone bill over 4 weeks he texted OW 15 times and me 42! They only live together occasional weekends and not in the week. I know we should have no expectations and I don't but has this happened to anyone else?
I was out delivering cards when he arrived. As always he looked old, pale and lost more weight. Even D21 who hasn't seen him for a few weeks commented on how old and worn out he looked.
He has spent 4 hours here in and out doing the cars, playing with the dogs and chatting to me and the children. Now he has taken them shopping and will come back here to finish off. He is also coming on christmas day again having messed everyone around whilst we waited for OW to make her mind up what she wanted to do.
He aslo wants to take two S13 and 16 out next week as a treat.
He last cycled about 4 weeks ago when he started making physical contact with me i.e touching my arm and standing beside me so we touched.It was after this that he completely withdrew.
Does anyone know if the decreasing times between cycles shows progress out of the tunnel or is this wishful thinking?
I am no expert and my H is still most definitely in MLC but I would say the cycles shortening is a sign that he is progressing. My H cycles have been shortening, too, but I know we still have a long way to go and everything is still so unpredictable . . .
It has been a very interesting week over the christmas break.
H texted me 5 times on Tuesday before christmas all about the weather, drive carefully etc.
He then came on the Wednesday before christmas to look at the cars.
I think he is cycling again. His head is all over the place he looks pale, thin and old, even my D21 said she couldn't believe how old he looked.
H came christmas morning to bring the kids presents. I made sure that we had openened all the presents by the time he had arrived so he was a bit disappointed. He then spent time with the kids whilst I was in the kitchen. I had asked my D21 to ask him to leave his phone in the car as OW continually texts him. He never brought it in.
At times he seemed miles away whilst sitting with the children.
Anyway he gave me a card and present. Completetly knocked me side ways. I started to get emotional inside but didn't let H know. I explained that I didn't think he would buy me anything so hadn't bought him anything. He then said that he had missed my birthday and hadn't got me anything then. This is the first acknowledgement of how he behaved on my birthday as this was the first time he left and he always said it was my fault in a very angry way. I aked if I could give a a small hug to say thank you for my gift. He said of course and then gave me a very tight hug for the first time since he has been gone, which I had to pull away from eventually.
He eventually had to leave to go to OW house which she shares with her H (although they are supposedly seperated) for christmas dinner. He was very reluctant to go and hovered a lot. Even the kids noticed that as the time came closer he got more miserable.
Anyway I saw him out. As we were chatting I said to him that christmas and new year is a good time to reflect on what we want to make us happy. I thought he was going to burst into tears. He said he knew and hovered with tears in his eyes. He then said we will talk again soon. I then wished him a safe trip and came back in the house and closed the door before he had left the drive.
Yesterday he texted me and he is coming on Tuesday. He is also coming here Wednesday and the weekend to be with the kids.
Not getting to many hopes up but there are definately baby steps in the right direction at the moment.
Carrying on DBing and detaching. Haven't contacted him he knows where I am.
Not getting your hopes up is hard. I have a ritual now, when I find I am getting my hopes up about something or letting my expectations rise, I do cruches. At least I fell like I'm doing something constructive.
H has texted D19. He wants her to go to his flat for tea this week after shopping.
I am so shocked. This is the flat he rented for him an OW to settle down in. He has kept the adress and whereabouts very quiet and told no one not even the children.
If D19 went there he must know there is a possiblitiy that she will tell me the address?
