Just a quick note. I am thankful to God for the opportunity I was given tonight regardless of the intentions. It was another chance to show I can be a great guy if given a chance.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
you did fine. You'd be blowing it be whining now since she isn't ready to run into your arms again. She needs lots of this relaxed low expectation stuff from you, OVER TIME...and you need to let her.
Change in behavior + time = POSSIBLE reconciliation...
Even if you were moving towards recon, it would start with siimple bonding times that have no fights...so I'd say you got a step done!...but if you had expected more and shown your disappointment, or read too much into everything, you'd have fallen 2 steps back. So pat yourself on the back. A little at a time is all you can hope for that is realistic. None of my h's changes were dramatic at once, they built up. When they reach a critical mass, you'll know.
Good luck, keep expectations low but be upbeat b/c of what a great guy you are....remember those "contrast your positiives warmth/offerings, with her negative/needy" images and you'll be okay. Your w's behavior or her plans do NOT matter NOW. The kids do. No K4, she's not ready to get back together. But you knew that already. She MAY be ready to hang out some though...if you keep up the positives, she may well be. So do that. And take ONE step at a time...it is a long road. So is marriage.
Merry Christmas, j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
So what did I learn tonight? It was a coparent evening with what my W considered to be fairness when the girls are involved.
and it was just that. Co-parenting. Don't read anymore into it. Christmas is a fairy tale for children. And the two of you have allowed them the fantasy of a family together for the holidays (somewhat). It is a good stepping stone for when reality hits a few weeks/months down the road. As, Elliot said, "April is the cruellest month."
And as for my comment about standing up to 25, there was no disrespect towards her, you, sir, need practice standing up for yourself. These virtual 2x4's you are virtually beaten with, You need to starting saying; "Look, I am a man. I make my own decisions, I know I am right for myself." Confidence, decisiveness, self-respect. Go back and read your million posts and what you have told us about your wife.
Stop being walked all over. Stand up for yourself.
When the holidays are over and things are back to the way they were/are/gonna be it will be the most important thing going for you.
You did great! You showed your girls that mom and dad can still get along and be in the same room together. I know it may not have been this huge waking moment for W, but you can bet she is watching.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Thank you. I am learning some great lessons in this and trying to improve as I learn these lessons.
SM,
I realize anything is a possibility once the holidays are over. I haven't kidded myself about that at all. I appreciate the words of advice and they are dually noted.
Sorry all, I am not up for much responding today. I am pretty tired as I didn't go to sleep until 2am and then got back up and headed to work this morning. I still have 2 more busy nights ahead of me as I am sure all the rest of you do to.
But thank you each for taking the time to read about my night and add input. I appreciate the help, encouragement, pat on the back, kind words and analysis.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
And as for my comment about standing up to 25, there was no disrespect towards her, you, sir, need practice standing up for yourself. These virtual 2x4's you are virtually beaten with, You need to starting saying; "Look, I am a man. I make my own decisions, I know I am right for myself." Confidence, decisiveness, self-respect. Go back and read your million posts and what you have told us about your wife.
Bingo... You are letting some of these women treat you like your wife does.. Think about it... They are only doing this because you allow it and keep apologizing. Stand up to them. It will be good practice for how to deal with your wife. You actually haven't been wrong on a number of issues that you have allowed others to convince you of being wrong on. You are just fine. Don't let them talk you into believing anything differently. YOUR reality is what matters. Don't let others opinions get turned into "facts" just because they say.
