The Truth Hurts

[CountingCrows]

Thanks, P. I still haven't replied to W's text, and don't plan to. We had originally planned for her to come over and spend Christmas Eve/Christmas day as a family. That won't be happening. We had also agreed to allow S7 to spend the night with her on the Saturday after Christmas. I don't intend to use him as a pawn and prevent her from being a part of his life, so W and I will have to have to have some communication. This will make it even harder to go dark, but not impossible.

You're right. Today's text from W was sweet. Tomorrow's will probably be nasty, as she doesn't have a clue what I know, and she's probably spinning pretty hard. She's probably pretty paranoid, thinking that I know more about her current A than I do, when the truth is, I don't have a clue what's going on other than the fact that she's still in contact with OM (nice of her to give up that tidbit of info to our friend). Most likely, it hasn't even crossed her mind that I now know about the 4 other affairs before him that she managed to hide through deception, lies and deceit.

Is going through with the D filing what I want to do? Want to? Not really. My heart doesn't want to admit that it's the end. I am having problems letting go...not of the M we had, but my stupid dream of what it could be. But yes, I can't remain married to someone who is incapable of being honest or faithful. I don't believe that I could ever trust someone who's done these things to me and S7. It's a dealbreaker for me and filing for D may be the only way to prove to her that I'm no longer her standby safety net and doormat.

She does need serious help, but she doesn't want it. She has manipulated her IC with the same deception and lies that she used with me, and that's not going to get her anywhere. Until she truly decides that she wants to change herself, no one can help her.