Separated, new baby, but still hopeful

[newmama]

P17 posted a link in Daybyday's thread about going dark: the pros and cons and when and how to do it.I gathered these comments to be meaningful to me:

If you want there to ever be a future between you and your spouse, I believe you have to let your spouse take the journey that is rightfully theirs, even if they way they are communicating that to you sucks. Even if it hurts like nothing else you've ever felt. If you love them, you have to let them go through that.

And you can't keep looking over to see if they are done yet. It's suffocating. Instead, this is your chance to learn new things. Walk around in your feelings and see what is unhealed in you that makes it so easy for you to feel crazy about this crappy situation in which you find yourself.

You have the gift of time now, and the focusing energy of pain. Don't feel all of this pain without getting your money's worth. Surrender to what is really happening. Face it head on.

The key to DBing, whether it's the last resort, going dark, acting as if, or just focusing on the exceptions, is to try something, notice the results and allow those results to guide your future actions. Modify your approach if your spouse responds in undesirable ways. Keep doing what seems to be working. This sort of mind set will get you a lot further than trying to think of what's right or wrong. If your marriage becomes more loving, it's right. IF you push your spouse away and what you want is a close relationship, it's wrong. THis makes life somewhat simpler.

I feel somewhat inspired. I think my WH is not doing anything worse than he was; and he has been more positive in the last couple of months, but he is "flattening out" If I am wrong, someone please tell me! So I don't think I am pushing him away, but perhaps he is feeling comfortable? I suspect he is just doing things nicely out of guilt. I am worried a little if I change too abruptly it will push him away.

I did have a friend from a different forum tell me that he thinks my WH may be giving me a 180 of sorts with his extra good moods because he noticed I am going out. ???? Does this make sense?

I feel insane--up and down. Up and down.