What can I do to save my marriage? Help

[Ready2Change]

Most conflict between loved ones results from the pain of disconnection-"Love without hurt" Stosny

Is that all I need to do...share my day?

That is ONE of many things.

Today I used the advice I took from one of the books I read and just shut up and listened to her experiences about driving in the holiday traffic. I validated her experience. It seemed like things went well.

PERFECT! That is another thing. Just listen to her story with undivided attention. Wait for her to ask for your input before giving advise.

She went off on me for not starting the meat loaf for dinner.

There are deeper things that need to be addressed. She is frustrated about other things, and vents on this. Of coarse SURPRISING her by taking the initiative of making dinner without being told is very attractive.

It kinda threw me because I didn’t even know I should have been making the meat loaf. I've never done that before. There was no phone call or text telling me to get it started...

IF YOU GET DIVORCED, NO ONE WILL REMIND YOU EITHER. Pretend that you are already divorced. Who will be making dinner for your kids during YOUR PARENTING TIME? Great, now Surprise W.

Nothing but anger because I wasn’t doing anything.

There are stuffed emotions. Let her own them and be compassionate.

Calmly,

Good start.

I told her if she would have let me know I would have been more than happy to get it started.

This sounds like blaming. Anyway to take some responsibility with out blame. "Sorry, I was reading with S and was not thinking about dinner yet. Would you like to come finish reading to S while I go start dinner?"

Later, I was helping her hold a bowl while she scooped something in it and of course out of the two choices I had to hold the item, I picked the wrong one. It cracked me up when she sarcastically told me this and I couldn’t stop laughing, then we both were laughing.

Great response from you. Laughing helps....

It just seems like she is just looking for things to get angry with me for and all are trivial.

YES. Do not fuel her anger. It is coming from somewhere else. Just accept that she may become angry. "Resentment ends at the spouse no matter what initially stimulated it"-Stosny

It is your job as H to understand and allow her to own her angry.

I’m getting mixed signals. I don’t think she is seeing an OM now. She wants me to trust her.

Just be the best option, but do not tolerate her seeing OM. You will need to have transparency.

How can I let her in my room? Will it just take some time? Do you think she will give me the signal or should I still force that master bedroom play there was talk of earlier?

I would have already moved into master bedroom. The sooner the better.

since I came to this board things seem to be going in the right direction now.

Just keep making positive changes to the way you interact. Some of the positive changes will appear to be counter intuitive. Moving back into the MB is a good example. This is a bold move, you will feel unconfortable. She will most likely react with anger. BE THE ROCK.

R2C, I will keep the other women talk out of it. It was an uncomfortable laugh so I think that statement bothered her.

The art of seduction talks about insinuation and stiring emotions. I believe seducing your wife will be more effective than threats.....