I feel like I have been shot about a hundred times but no kill shot yet, it is just torture. She has absolutely completely convinced herself that I am an a**hole and the end all be all of all of her problems. She is threatening me that she is going to call police and fake abuse tell all of our friends, co-workers, family---that I am a horrible person. She accused me of having an affair when I confronted her on the evidence that points to her affair. She told me that she has wanted out of the M since day 1.....why do I care anymore? Where is the button that says don't care and how do I get there. I really need some perspective/help here....
H: 30 W: 31 S: 2 T/M: 6/4 D Final 4-5-10
Bomb: June 09 Status: D'd and moving onward and upward?
I feel like I have been shot about a hundred times but no kill shot yet, it is just torture. She has absolutely completely convinced herself that I am an a**hole and the end all be all of all of her problems. She is threatening me that she is going to call police and fake abuse tell all of our friends, co-workers, family---that I am a horrible person.
So why do you want to save this marriage? Why do you want to be married to a person who is willing to spread horrible lies about you?
Tell me three things about her that you love. (And you cannot use the fact that she's the mother of your child -- these have to be her qualities.)
Originally Posted By: ytjuy
She accused me of having an affair when I confronted her on the evidence that points to her affair.
So did she have any rationale for that accusation, or was she completely talking out of her backside?
Originally Posted By: ytjuy
She told me that she has wanted out of the M since day 1.....why do I care anymore?
Because she's not in her right mind, lost in the fog of an affair? Because she is willing to do or say anything to justify her decision to herself, to you, or to her friends and family?
Originally Posted By: ytjuy
Where is the button that says don't care and how do I get there. I really need some perspective/help here....
Here is your perspective.
1) What does it take for you to have a happy marriage? What do you offer to your wife, and what does she (or did she) offer to you? 2) What do you have that you can work on by yourself, for yourself? Hobbies you've let go that you'd like to start up again? New interests that maybe your wife doesn't share? 3) If your wife were to totally pull a 180 and say that she is willing to come back and work on the relationship, what needs to change in order for you to accept that? What boundaries need to be set?
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Trent--- thanks for the continued interest. I have been thinking about your last post and questions all night..... Here is the deal, I don't want to save THIS marriage anymore. I am scared of being alone, embarrassed that this has happened and worry about the effects this will have on my son, me, even my W on our personal, professional, social lives. I think I am more scared of Divorce at this point than wanting to save the M. The way that my W has treated me is horrible and I cannot see getting over it even in spite of a 180. And no, Trent I have not ever, nor would I ever have an A while married. Not my style. I for the first time in having a hard time coming up with 3 good things about her. At this point at a minimum we need to have some space away from each other b/c this has become a toxic place to be and is not good for me, her, or our son.
H: 30 W: 31 S: 2 T/M: 6/4 D Final 4-5-10
Bomb: June 09 Status: D'd and moving onward and upward?
I feel like I have been shot about a hundred times but no kill shot yet, it is just torture. She is threatening me that she is going to call police and fake abuse tell all of our friends, co-workers, family---that I am a horrible person.
Where is the button that says don't care and how do I get there. I really need some perspective/help here....
Her telling you she's going to accuse you of something so heinous is downright awful. No way around that. Perhaps she's all talk and just grasping at straws now. You cannot change what she thinks about you, unfortunately, but you can focus on the fact that you know you are a good person.
As for the button, you won't find it until it's time. Right now you are too caught up in your emotions, like many of us. I would end contact with her straight away as she is behaving and saying things that are completely erratic.
