OK, so she found the books. At least YOU are making effort to better yourself, your marriage, your family...
Was she saying you were lying because you had been reading, instead of just cleaning/kid stuff? If so, too bad. She should be praising God that she is worthy of your efforts.
Blech.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
She confronted me about the books. I told her basically what coach wrote previously.
She said "Am I your next hobby? Why did you hide those books?" then she asked.."Why is it that what ever you do ... be it your medical degree, MBA, finance, triathlon, you have to go at it 110% ? " ( really that's what I do )
I answered, " It's about making myself into better person... If it's with you great, if not, at least I will be better the next time around with another woman in another relationship. The books are private."
With that, she responded with a half laugh.
Me:49 W: 41 Kids=D14/D14/S10 Married: 15 Together: 16 Bomb: 08/26/09 Currently: separated but in the different houses.
She confronted me about the books. I told her basically what coach wrote previously.
She said "Am I your next hobby? Why did you hide those books?" then she asked.."Why is it that what ever you do ... be it your medical degree, MBA, finance, triathlon, you have to go at it 110% ? " ( really that's what I do )
I answered, " It's about making myself into better person... If it's with you great, if not, at least I will be better the next time around with another woman in another relationship. The books are private."
With that, she responded with a half laugh.
And why is this a bad thing? She's projecting her unhappiness with herself onto you. Don't let it bother you.
Pretty clear this is bothering her. And that's not a bad thing.
She said "Am I your next hobby? Why did you hide those books?" then she asked.."Why is it that what ever you do ... be it your medical degree, MBA, finance, triathlon, you have to go at it 110% ? " ( really that's what I do )
Are you listening? She's jealous, she wants to feel that important and matter that much to you. She called you out on hiding the books, she wants to be a part of what's going on in your life - let her in. Is one of her LLs QT?
A woman wants to be part of all the rooms in your life before she lets you in the bedroom. Rooms - work, friends, hobbies, dreams, struggles, family, etc. So let her in by talking and sharing your day.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Doc, Again, I am offering moral support. On some levels we are kindred spirits. That kind of thing is so wounding. It can take the wind right out of your sails(at least it does me). In our lines of work, we have to be pretty thick skinned and people depend upoon us to make fast decision based on the information available. But for us, when our wifes react with scorn and derision, it hurts like hell and cuts us to the fiber of our being. I think GIMA is right on with the comment that your wife is projecting her unhappiness onto you. Perhaps think of it as the lord providing you an opportunity to exercise compassion. You have made some mistakes like we all have. But you are showing up with all your considerable resources now.
She said "Am I your next hobby? Why did you hide those books?"
Quote:
"Why is it that what ever you do ... be it your medical degree, MBA, finance, triathlon, you have to go at it 110%
Other options for responses: "I feel defensive, can you rephrase that?" or "We are getting off topic here." or "I feel criticized, can you rephrase that?"
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
