We live an extremely busy life, people we work with don't know how we pull it off, I wonder at times myself, plus Christmas...
This is the largest problem you have in your R and until you find a way to "make" time to feed the MR.....it will not survive. I'm telling you that your family has to come first over work, friends, school activities, etc. Your W and your R with her is in crises and therefore you need to cut something out or there will be more breakdowns in your R. Extremely busy lives are killing marriages! The amount of time for just the two of you is so important. I hope this has been a wake-up call about that.
***********************
Quote:
When you ask "was it just to drop the OM"...not sure what else you are saying I need to do.
I was confused about the way you seemed unsure about setting the boundaries, but you did fine with it. She knows where you stand and what you can do if she does not respect the line drawn. Just don't expect much from her right now...b/c she is very angry at you. She will resent you for quite some time, so gear up.
Quote:
I do understand and fear they will just go deeper undercover.
It is b/c this A with OM is like a drug addiction for her. She will crave for OM's attention and the ego food he gave her. Going cold turkey is the only way she will beat it. You need to think of her as a person trying to overcome her addiction. If she sees him at work daily, that is going to be very tough and very tempting for her. Could she be moved to a different area at work?
Some women do beat it.....and some don't. I was one of the lucky ones.....but I went deeper undercover at first...and I think from what I've read.....most do. Even if OM is no longer interested, some WAW's go looking for another man for her "fix" for her addiction. It's sad......and I understand it......but, I hate it.
Quote:
I've been trying to figure out what will be the warning signs and how I can keep tabs on that
She will be more cleaver the second time around (if she does go deeper underground.)As for knowing the signs.....I don't have enough information yet to really know how to size her up (so to speak). She may be a good actress and try to act as if everything is okay...just to throw you off track. OTOH, she will probably be very withdrawn from you, and I think that is to be expected if you have busted her. For right now, she feels resentment instead of remose. That will be the deciding factor, IMHO. If she's remorseful, then she can come around and start to heal and finally get to the place to start working at the R with you. But as long a she holds on to her resentment toward you, then she won't be able to heal and the MR will not go forward in a healthy way.
If you can get software to track her computer activity, that would be one way you could check to see how she's doing. If you do not think you can handle reading about it or think you do better not knowing....then so be itI thik she and OM will cool their heels for a while, but then try again. Do not tell her you are checking up on her. Do not reveal how much you know or how you found out. Do not accuse her if you don't have solid proof.
Try to get through this week without any more crises. I'll try to answer you other questions, but I have to go for now.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
