She must be seeing a lawyer...what now?

[Deep]

Hi Awoken, sorry you are having such a hard time. Chiming in with some support, take it for what it's worth.

To answer your last line, 8 weeks, 8 months, 8 years ... there's no fixed schedule to follow. You're on a rollercoaster you didn't sign up for, and nobody knows who long the ride is gonna last. I would suggest 8 weeks is probably a pretty short time to decide if you're done.

You sound tired and emotionally drained, and understandably so. Your W sounds like she is struggling, she probably can't see what she wants, is feeling the pull and potential pangs of withdrawal of the A, unresolved feelings towards the family and you (resentment and love among them), guilt, and just very lost. She may be feeling a lot of negativity towards her failure as a W and mother, and it is warring with the "just wanna be me and happy" feelings.

And what you want really is for her to come out of this and be at a place where you can both survey the debris from your M, decide if you're gonna fix things, and where to even start. I'm guessing you might feel at times like you're in a leaking boat bailing out water, with W just looking at another bucket, and you're wondering when she might take it up and help out, or punch another hole in the boat.

It's obviously not good that the kids are affected. For now, see if you can calm down and take things a step at a time, including setting up some boundaries where the kids are better protected from what's happening ...