GW, It is ok to still hang on to the hope for your marriage. When I was at your point in my sitch, I tried to look at it from a point of realistic optimism... in other words, there was a good chance this M would not last due to my H's choices at the time, but I still held out hope. And, so I did whatever I could to help/save the M. Yes, you setting boundaries and doing what you need to do for you and the kids will make her angry for ahwile. So what? She'll get over it. And, if you are being a fabulous dad, GALing, doing 180's and making yourself "the better option" in the meantime... her heart just might start to soften toward you again. But the boundaries are crucial because you want that softening to be coupled with respect! You are doing great... hang in there... remember your kids need one of you to be mature about this and do what is best for this family. That would be YOU! And, it sounds to me like you can do it!
And, it sounds to me like you can do it!
