I am glad to see that you are feeling in a position of strength.
Your H is the big loser here and he does not even realize it. Words escape me.
Serenity, have the best possible Christmas with your boys. Get your legal machinery in motion. And keep praying!!! Your H needs prayers. If you find it difficult to pray for him, ask your pastor or someone to do so. Your H is in a very bad place now. I feel sorry for a man who could let it come to this with his children. He is leading a sad little existence. I am angry with him and sorry for him. You meanwhile, continue to be a great example of grace under pressure. I wish I could hug you in person.
Good to see you so strong Serenity. A full blooming flower indeed, well you certainly are getting plenty of fertilizer aren't you? . You'll stand tall in the sunshine or stormy rains.
As Coach says, be prepared.
Me 42 W 39 Married: 11 Jan 1998, T: Since 1992 First Bomb: Sep 2007 Confirmed A/OM: 4 Nov 2007 Kids: D10, S5 Reconciled and together again after (alot of) time and heartbreak. 3rd kid, S, born 2 Jan 2010.
You are doing amazingly well Serenity! I agree with not calling. I am guessing he is sensing the new strength in you, and that he can't manipulate you anymore to get what he wants. He is hoping when you hear his voice he can do that more successfully. Nope, don't do it. Whatever he needs to say he can communicate by email. Stay strong! Remember, you are wonderful AND amazing!
Quick update and I will be back tomorrow to see you all...
S now knows that H was only choosing to see him and not his brother (explain more tomorrow)...
His response...
"If he doesn't want to see N then I don't want to see him"
He gave me a long hug, said he loved me and now understood why I did what I did...
Happy tears my friends...
He choose his Brothers' side for the first time ever.
Until tomorrow...Peaceful dreams to you all (((Hugs)))
Karma, the Universe, God, the Force, The Law of Attraction, the DB Gods throwing you a bone .....
What you give out comes back.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Thank you all for your support and kind words yesterday and last night...
I didn't speak to H last night though he sent me an email saying he had gotten busy (in case I called) and I could call him back then (I didn't)...
My sister took my older S for a ride last night - They went to the beach to talk because she was sick of the way he has been treating me...
He had no idea H only wanted to see him and not the little one (and we know how that ended)...
He was mad because I lie to him and it is easier for him to take out his anger on me because I am there (Ok which one of you told me that??)
They talked for over 3 hours and when they got back, it was like a different person had walked in...
We hugged etc...(as explained in my post above this)
He asked me why I lie to him about his Dad and I realized that I do it to keep H from looking like the bad guy...
I would rather take the heat then to have our children mad at him and what he is doing.
I would rather take the fall then to have my children know their Dad only wants to see one of them or chooses his mistress over both of them.
He understood however asked me to tell the truth no matter how painful it is to hear.
I haven't heard from H today (S has) though he told S we were still talking about whether he can go or not.
After our talk last night, I made some decisions...
First thing I did this morning was buy the book - Codependent No More and also a copy of The Language Of Letting Go (same author)...
I drove to the court house to file for custody as well as emergency child support only to find out that I can't file for custody without filing for divorce (and I am not there yet).
So that is where I am right at this moment -
I apologize to you all...I haven't visited your situations the last couple of days so I will get there shortly...
(((Hugs)))
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
(((Serenity))) Boy, I miss another day and come back to see that you (and Coach) are just kickin' a$$ and taking names. Boy did he try to push back, bully and intimidate. And he's must know that he's dead meat in court. And your sister and your son - great. And you and your son after that - Great! And you?GREAT!!
Merry Christmas to one strong, calm, detached Mama Bear!
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I am thankful you all were here to help me set that boundary.
I did find out that the OW is indeed living with my H - He actually had the gall to brag about that to our S.
I thought once I find out with 100% certainty, I would be crushed but I wasn't.
It was just one more nail in the coffin...All the countless lies, half-truths, projection, blameshifting etc...I can forgive it all however I don't think (about 95% sure) we will get past it anymore. I don't think I want to...
I deserve to be loved the way I love...
I deserve to be cherished the way I cherish...
I deserve to be honored the way I honor...
I want these things in my life and now looking back I realize I haven't had them in a very long time.
I am bound and determined to have a great day today as well as tomorrow.
I have plans with both my boys tonight and then family time tomorrow.
I wish you all a wonderful Christmas filled with peace and joy.
((((Hugs))))
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
Trust but verify. You take the boys over. Let him know he is under scrutiny. Tell him if you find out he's lying it will never happen again. The boys will splill the beans if she is there. Have a timeline how long, when to pick-up etc. You can handle it.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
. You'll stand tall in the sunshine or stormy rains.