She must be seeing a lawyer...what now?

[Awoken]

My thread has been pretty dead lately; If you are reading this, I could use more support right now.

Monday I saw my IC, and updated the sitch with her. I reread both my threads. It's very discouraging; sigh.

I've decided that things must change. Either I purse a D, or me and W make drastic changes. Drastic changes would involve a treatment program for W, specific hard-core work on our relationship, and complete transparency and honesty. W would have to really want this, and truthfully I don't know if I still want it myself.

I've read a lot of threads about patience and time being on my side. I just read Robx's new post, and his stich is years in the making while mine is only 8 weeks old. Nonetheless, I'm no longer willing to wait this out, since my kids are becoming more and more affected.

On the day after Christmas, W is leaving for a week to visit her parents. I had decided that I needed to present my decision to her before she left, and give her the week to decide.

It happened today. It would've been better in person, but we talked over the cellphone. She called me wanting me to remove her from our sprint account so that she can have a private line. It will costs us more to not share the account, so she clearly needs to hide something on the phone. The conversation started as some negotiating over the phone accounts, and then I just told her that we needed to be talking about something else. I told her that things simply couldn't continue. That what happened on Saturday was terrible for her and the kids, and we needed to make a change. I outlined my position as outlined above.
I told her I was unwilling to allow the chaos to continue as it was bad for the kids, and that I wanted a wife that wanted to be married to me. She asked me what change I meant (even though I thought I had already made it clear. I told her that I thought meant a D, unless she wanted to make big radical changes in our relationship. That our old M was dead.

She seemed surprised and angry, but I remained calm. We got into some R talk, including about her EA(or PA) which she still denies, but when presented with the evidence she doesn't refute it. We covered both of our faults in the M so far, and she expressed her frustration that it took her dropping the bomb for me to make any changes. I just acknowledged it, but said we were still left with the same problem. We need to make a change.

We talked for a little over an hour, and then I got off the phone.

I'm filled with sadness, but mainly because I reached that place where I don't want the M anymore.

The next few days will continue to be rough. I admit I'm looking forward to the break when she leaves. I'll spend lots of great time with S13 and D17(before she leaves for her band trip)). I'll spend the rest of my time getting ready for the D which now feels inevitable.

It feels right to me, but I do wonder if 8 weeks is too short a time to travel this distance emotionally.