But I can't allow lies & dishonesty back in my life, after purging that filth from my life I can pretty much guarantee you and anyone else that I won't live with that anymore and I don't want to be anyone that doesn't value me or the relationship they have with me.
I "WON'T" allow lies and dishonesty back in my life.
There is your answer. She REPRESENTS the lies and dishonesty. Your answer is to let her go through the crisis. Right now you CAN'T take her back. MUST not take her back. That means no casual or sex with benefits or whatever else you have been having with her. NONE, zilch. Let her FEEL and see that you are SERIOUS (or are you?)
By your own words you say she has lied for a long long time. There is your evidence of lies and dishonsetly being part of her. You can't get her true true respect until you FINALLY back up what you keep saying you mean UNLESS you follow through with those words with some action.
I am glad to finally see you take some action. She is finally getting a clue that you may just be serious. I believe you need to put her through a crisis of at least 6 months or more and gauge her reactions and actions from a distance.
Now for the part about needing to know what happened and details of the past... You are going about it the wrong way..
You PRESSURED her. Pressure doesn't work. Don't do that. You won't get the truth from her until she feels you are totally done and let her know that it is too LATE for the truth and you could care less anymore. However you don't think about taking her back unless she does come clean. She will when you take off the pressure by keeping on the path you are on. It will be the CRISIS that will get her to tell you the truth. Not pressure, but the crisis.
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I even told her to spill the beans on the guys that I know that she had affairs with and she still couldn't spill the beans, she had to hold on to those lies, telling me it wasn't as bad as I assumed it was (how bad does it have to be?!) and she told me that even if she told me the details, how would she know for certain I would take her back - my reply was pretty much "Well you know for certain that I'm not taking back someone who is dishonest & lying to my face, you have my 100% guarantee on that", the conversation continued for a bit like this and I told her that she was just repeating the same thing over & over again and lying to me was just her attempt to control me and my reactions to what she had done and I wouldn't put up with that anymore.
This was all pressure. That doesn't work. You are trying to make a liar be an honest person. You first have to completely reject the liar and then put her in a crisis to WANT to be an honest person because she see that YOU are only "attracted" to honest women. She has to be in the kind of crisis that people are in on this site. The kind of crisis where she is asking others HOW to win you back and they tell her to work on herself and learn to be honest. She will then do it all on her own...
Face the reality Rob. She is a liar. Move away from liars. Stop trying to make a liar an honest person. The only way you can get them to change is for them to go through a major crisis that puts them in such panic that they do WHATEVER it takes. You have never gotten her to that point. Now is you opportunity. Don't waste it.
And do NOT forget about dating. It is a must. Kitty cats compete...
