I have never been involved in an A while married so this is pure mind reading and conjecture but perhaps the WAS does not want to give details and info becaiuse they fear that it would be held over their head in the future like the sword of Damocles. It is probably a frightening feeling , like they may be forever indebted if the other spouse has to FORGIVE something on such a large scale and the may fear that they could never make a wrong move again.
I understand the need for truth and honesty, though. To me as horrendous and painful as an A is, the lying and covering up is more difficult to forgive. I could forgive an A if my H is honest, open , contrite and accountable. It is hard to repair with deceit still in the picture.
However,perhaps you W really fears that her scale of As is unforgivable and that you will hold that against her despite saying that you won't. At the end of the day love is about vulnerability and what could be a greater example of that than two people honestly and openly repairing a M in these circumstances? It takes vulnerability on both parts not just the WAS in confessing to wrongdoing.
If my H and I were to work things out I just want to know enough to hold my head up high around people who knew about the A and may have seen him with OW. I don't ever want anyone feeling that they have one up on me where my H's actions and whereabouts are concerned.I understand not wanting too many details. To know everything would be torture for me because my mind is like a vault and it is hard to rid it of information once it is in there.
