Pls help--confused and fearful

[P17]

I'm thinking that no jolt will wake up my WAS.

Then what have you got to lose? If you jolt him and it doesn't work then where are you .... ah, still here! So you get no further forward. Nothing wasted.

I can't go for full custody in my state, but I want them as much as possible. He can't really be with them much anyway because he travels a lot.

Sorry, didn't know how it worked over there. I have to say it's probably a good thing that there is 50/50 custody automatically (I assume that's what it is) - then I am extremely bias having been through a 7 year fight for stable access to me D! However as you said, he can't have them all the time anyway. That is what was worrying me. He is not there often and in that case full custody (with fixed access / contact) would be best.

I have been feeling that I'm not getting many responses on my thread because others feel my sitch is hopeless. I've tried to find any little thing to give me hope or a direction to go in.

Your sitch is only hopeless when you give up. I think you'll find a lot of the vets actually stick to replying on particular threads as they simply cannot keep up with so many threads.

I may have to try to go pitch dark and hopefully I'll be like a black hole and suck him back in. I mean you are right P, nothing I've done has worked so far. What else can I do?

Please don't take my advice!?!?!

Do what works - you have tried everything else. It hasn't worked. It maybe worth a try but it is HARD HARD work, emotionally. At the beginning I was tempted so many times but I didn't buckle. However remember it is not for them to be sucked back in. It's for you to sort yourself out. Sucking them back in is a side issue.

I found this very old thread on it which I have been plowing through. It's very good and makes me question whether NC was actually the best option for getting spouse back .... until I remember, that wasn't actually the reason I did it. The thread is http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=50956&page=1

I'm on the fence about wanting to R the M.

You mentioned above about 'sucking him back in'. I don't think you're on the fence. I think you are trying to protect yourself by convincing you that it's not what you want.

I'm feeling very resentful for what he's done. I was so willing to forgive but he didn't want it. I'm just about to give up... it won't take much more.

He doesn't want your pity DBD. He doesn't want your forgiveness. He doesn't want anything from you just now, which, is one of the reasons I suggested NC / LRT. Let him get his space and time for himself.

Resentment you can get over - resentment comes from people doing things that hurt you and you don't understand why. Once you understand why they did them, the resentment CAN go.