Because, the way I see it, the kind of honesty you need, will be a long process, and I dont think she is refusing that. I think she is -in her panick- trying some "damage control". It's not easy to "list" your affairs, admit you've been a liar and at the moment she doesnt sound very stable to be able to tell right from wrong or realise the long term benefit of coming clean.
No, it won't be easy. It is, nonetheless, essential. Why should he believe she regrets what she's done when she can't even be open about what she's done? I understand that it's a process, but it's been what? two years? How long does it take before she will be prepared to be open about her past actions? "Damage control" is the problem. Unless she abandons all forms of attempted control and basically throws herself on his mercy, I don't call that remorse.
(this is assuming, rob, that you do have really reliable intel about her actions so you are *sure* she's not being forthcoming....)
There is no way to rebuild a decent relationship without -- I don't want to use the word "brutal", but yeah, that -- honesty and detailed self-revelation of faults from both parties. IMHO. If she's not there yet, then I wouldn't advocate reconciling. Otherwise, you run a good risk of finding yourself right back here in a couple of years. Again, IMHO.
Of course, no need or reason to be cold or compassionless towards her in the day-to-day.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
