Why does he want YOU to change? And what does he want you to change?
I am no expert, but it seems like this is a circle and someone has to step out or stop the madness.
Before this mess of mine started, I never wanted to be the one to change, I wanted H to change. Once I found out about OW well then I had a lot of time to think and decided that I wanted to change for me, that I had lost myself in this relationship and it was time for the real me to come back.
That I couldn't change my H, oh I had tried, but it didn't happen, instead he found someone else.
So don't leave any more messages...pursuing. Call someone else do something else. It's hard to do at first, but H will call, and then it does get easier once you realize that even if you don't call eventually H will call you. He's going to wonder what's up if you don't call, especially since you have been so much.
Good for you for leaving first, he noticed believe me. My H used to say a lot of ugly stuff to me, too. I used to let it get to me, but I don't anymore, I just let him say it and don't react. They're waiting for a reaction. I think it's a control issue.
Anyway, I still think there's hope. Maybe someone else here can jump in, Shiny, LL or T2--the ones who've been here for awhile.
