A recap: M 7 years, together for 13, Me: 32, H: 35, 2 boys 10 & 11. I moved out because can no longer stand his ignoring the kids and I; he doesn't hug us or say ILY, not involved with kids at all. I move out in October 02. One day I found condoms in his gym bag he gave no explanation so I filed (he'd had 1 affair) in Nov 02. H moved out Dec 02. After moving out he doesn't call or try to sleep with me...we have lots of fights about how secretive he is though he asks me many questions.
At one point he threatened to leave our kids in the middle of nowhere if I didn't pick up so he could to a New Year's eve party. I say I want the D he says no because he knows he has issues but is not ready for things to end.
He attempts a couple of dates with me about one per month, I can't seem to be satisfied since he makes no declaration of reconciliation just pops over every once in a while at the house and sleeps with me. Apr 03 I've had enough so I push the divorce we meet with lawyer and draft final.
He begins to date OW, I don't know this. In May I have a change of heart he sleeps with me. While he's on vacation in Ohio he gives me keys to his place to water plants while there I find a note to OW he wrote night after he slept with me. The letter says he loves her and wants to be with her. I call him in Ohio and confront him then confront her. They both say they are not sleeping together...OW leaves picture after finding out I'm sleeping with him still.
He comes back into to town threatens to call police if I don't return his letter to OW. I return, tell him I love him, can forgive him...he says this is not what he wants right now (I take that to mean marriage). I distance.
He calls 4th of July weekend after he finds out I'm moving away. We go out the entire weekend, ml, talk, he says he loves me. Later that week he becomes angry because he felt like I singled him out when I ask him not to not call my work cell phone. Doesn't tell me he's mad but I figure it out when he tells me that he plans to date and that it is ok if I sleep with other people. We break up.
On our 7th anniversary Aug 6 he asks me to dinner says this time it will be different, he knows what the problem is and is willing to change. I say this time it will have to be different since we have been at this point before..he says ok. We ML, we talk about moving in. A week later he says he can't, it doesn't feel right so I go away AGAIN. Labor day weekend we go camping as a family, he says he had a good time. We go out a couple more times. He goes to Ohio for a week doesn't call me all week nor do I him. Comes back asks me to lunch, says he wants to be married, that I will need to impress him this next couple of weeks so he can change his mind. Says we should be able to do it since it has been a year. I thought we had agreed to certain things but 1 week goes by and no calls from him. I finally call and get 'are you done, I got to go my show is on'. Hang up, again silence for 4 days I call again and the same thing. No calls over the weekend, Tuesday I see him ask about when would be a good time to call...he says not any night since he and his neighbor lady friend watch TV together every night...we fight and he's so mad he physically recoils from me. I call Friday night no reply. I call again Saturday ask if he'd like to go out and he doesn't call me on my mobile but tries my parents house where I am not at. We don't get together so I call him Sunday morning and he says it's over. He doesn't want to see me has lunch plans...I say doing what he says none of my business because if he wanted me to know he'd tell me. He says he is tired of waiting for me to change and wants the D. I try to discourage him from it saying I'll file a dismissal he's says I better not cause he's not going to pay for it!!! I say I don't want the D he's says so.
So this past Tuesday I saw him again and I was NO r talk, lots of touching and talking about mundane things. He gets ready to leave and I ask for a kiss goodbye he says NO and no sex either. He wants to know when i can get his final divorce decree for him. I say he's not getting that because a d is not what I want. If he wants it he can get his own lawyer and file. He's NO he's not paying any money for a d...not after all I spent. So he says he'll get his mom to do it. I say she won't help you she doesn't agree to the d. He leaves in a huff.
He calls his mom and she asks him if this is what he wants he says yes. She says are you sure and he says I guess. She says that you won't be leaving these problems they'll go with yo to the next R. He says I know but he's tired of fighting with me. She says well if you want to be unhappy in your m then don't change anything. She asked are you going to counseling he says no because my w will not change so what is the point. The next day he calls my lawyer multiple times throughout the day asking for his divorce papers.
So now we are here...he doesn't want to call me or see me. I've left messages but have gotten nothing. I saw him today and he just wanted to look at me, hang out there as we exchanged our kids but didn't say anything. Just looked at me. I finally was the first to leave because I was scared he'd say something awful.
