Thanks for the advice Pearl. I'll vent in my journal and unsent letters. But I do want to confront him about asking for tuition money back that I paid..at the same time it would be the more 'peaceful route' to just let it go, but I do think it should be rightfully returned. I just don't want to be made to feel like the bitch for askig him. (I'll read the tough love book, i promise! to help w these conversations)
I know I need to stop the analysis. I just found myself in my head saying 'gosh, why did i tell him xx back in june? maybe we would have had a chance if i just kept quiet' why did i say this or that or do that? and mad at myself that i wasn't able to hold back in certain situations and probably did more damage. thinking, maybe there would have been hope if i did not? but i don't have a guide.... i tried to do the best i could and sometimes i slipped up, but i never meant any malice. i truly did not. i know i'm not a bad person but now i feel like some of my tendencies and flaws hurt us royally. but i know he did a lot too. i've written my list and will keep looking at it.
I go home tonight and go to my acupuncture appt tomorrow. Acu and herbs have really been a lifesaver in keeping me calmer lately. Then we have a big Xmas eve party and lots of dinners and events planned. Being around close friends and fam will at least be a nice distraction. I am planning a spa day w a friend and going to get some fun new clothes. I will try to make the best of this season, even though it's so hard, and try to reign in 2010 on a positive note.
I just got off the phone w my boss and told him about SF move and tranfering to our office there. I got a little choked when I told him why (they've known i'm sure) but in some ways a relief to not be keeping it a secret so much anymore.
