newmama, I don't think ths is about the divorce - I can get a legal separation straight away if I can proof infidelity but the divorce itself wouldn't happen any faster, so it doesn't really matter.
There are 2 options - if I am correct and he had an affair with OW he is hiding it not so much because of me but because of his friends and family I think. I don't think he ever expected me to react the way I did and to snoop as much as I did - I didn't even expect it grin I think he expected me to buy the story with the shop being the reason for the divorce and I just didn't and because I haven't been quiet about my suspicions he had to lie to them too.
Second option: he is innocent and there was nobody else then the rebound girl. Meaning he is not lying.
I started to work in our garden this summer for the first time – just that I realized I was doing all this just for him at thee time – to fullfill his need for domestic support.
I will sign up for an evening course in February which I am looking forward to.
Problem I am having is that I am not working for the first time in 16 years. And I really enjoy it and it’s good for the kids but he said to me yesterday we are living of his back. I will talk to him when he is here and i want a standing order set up weekly for a certain amount and that’s it – no talking about money anymore.

My day to day life really hasn’t changed that much – I was doing most of the things on my own anyway and I resented him a lot for being away – on the other hand with my spending I was supporting it - I guesss I am just angry that he never appreciates anything I am doing – he thinks the last 4 years were easy for me and that I am making it to difficult for myself in regards to the kids –
I am also sure he thinks he could do a better job with the kids. I am sick of him playing the victim all the time – does he not have a mouth to speak up – why didn’t he put money away all these years? I probably wouldn’t even have noticed. I actually asked him that question and he said he would never do anything without asking me first like putting money into savings and that the finances were the only thing he asked me to take care off when he left and that I was useless with it.
I guess he has forgotten that he left his entire life behind, not just the finances...
He told me once that after 6 months abroad he knew it was the wrong decision – I never got that memo... he tells me now I should have asked him to come home if I was that unhappy.
How could I asked him that? He wanted it so much.